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If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".


Woody Allen

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If you have a Headache, Do what it says on the Aspirin Bottle: Take one, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN...
NASIR KHAN Our goal is to keep children at home from accessing a firearm, and avoiding a tragedy. When you buy ...
FRANK WALKER a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka.
WINONA RYDER It's a headache and there's no aspirin in the cupboard, ... This one is not going to go away.
PETER TOWNSEND Look at a bottle of say, children's aspirin or your aspirin. Virtually anything has more child prote...
FRANK WALKER Ask yourself this question: If aspirin were the leading cause of death on college campuses, do you t...
DEAN SMITH You can't just take an aspirin and sit around and have 12 donuts and think, 'I took my aspir...
CORBIN BERNSEN If one-third of people taking aspirin appear to have aspirin resistance, then that is a very signifi...
DR. SABINA WALLACH In women, aspirin prevents strokes and doesn't have any real effect on heart attack, and in men aspi...
DR. DAVID BROWN America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in tw...
JOHN BARRYMORE America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up i...
JOHN BARRYMORE I think aspirin would do exactly what you might expect -- attenuate, but not abolish the risk.
DR. GARRET FITZGERALD I don't even take aspirin.
ERIC DAVIS Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so y...
LARRY DAVID We can't make a recommendation that you could take an aspirin a day to prevent both heart disease an...
ANDREW CHAN We'll have everything from water to aspirin for the jurors.
HARVEY ROPER We protect aspirin bottles in this country better than we protect guns from accidents by children.
GLORIA ESTEFAN Although research has shown the value of aspirin for people who have had a heart attack or stroke, a...
CLAUDE LENFANT You don't need meat at every meal," Riley offered, forking another bite of salad into his mouth and ...
R.J. SCOTT I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES A sore arm is like a headache or a toothache. It can make you feel bad, but if you just forget about...
WARREN SPAHN A sore arm is like a headache or a toothache. It can make you feel bad, but if you just forget about...
WARREN SPAHN There are not many A-list directors who get to make the movies they want to make. I know two: Woody ...
MARTIN LANDAU Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR What did I really think fifteen years ago? A nonbeliever, I felt guilty in the midst of all those be...
UMBERTO ECO Aspirin is not a benign drug.
JAMES STEIN I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY Take charge of hidden, sneaky sources of chronic inflammation that can trigger illness and disease b...
DAVID AGUS Your principal motive on a movie set is to get the film made, but on a Woody Allen set, there's ...
REBECCA HALL Those two base hits I gave up, I had two strikes on both the hitters, and I take pride in that. When...
JOSH CRIBB It was one of the most, if not the most, studied pain relievers ever to go on the market except aspi...
CHRISTY JONES And I left the aspirin next to the phone with a tall glass of water. Figured you weren’t going to ...
J.R. WARD Most things in this world don´t work, aspirin do.
KURT VONNEGUT JR. In both men and women, there was an approximately 70 percent increase in the risk of bleeding associ...
DR. DAVID BROWN Pop music is aspirin and the blues are vitamins.
PETER TORK Aspirin affects platelets differently in men and women.
DR. DAVID BROWN There are so many things we do in life that define the real meaning of our lives. There are so many ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Stand for something. Make your life mean something. Start where you are with what you have. You are ...
GERMANY KENT If you catch yourself wondering why you want more of the world and you're not satisfied with God, it...
CRAIG GROESCHEL At times, you don't think you are going to be able to do it. But if you do what you are supposed to ...
JOSHUA YOUNG Democracy is supposed to give you the feeling of choice, like Painkiller X and Painkiller Y. But the...
GORE VIDAL Why did she do it? Nobody dared to ask. Because - what courage! Who had the courage to burn herself?...
SUSANNA KAYSEN Within a half-hour, we can tell whether the aspirin is the correct dose for you -- is it too much or...
DR. SABINA WALLACH We saw an increase in aspirin use among U.S adults since 1999, with a majority of adults using aspir...
UMED AJANI If you take away a lot of the pretension and grandness from Shakespeare, a true poeticism is reveale...
ROGER REES Working with Woody Allen is like filming Howard Hughes's will. It's a very mysterious and st...
MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE Woody Allen has a wonderful line: 'Today I'm a star. What will I be tomorrow? A black hole?&...
MARINA ABRAMOVIC I would love to have a long and serious conversation with the Pope. And Woody Allen, whom I have nev...
CHARLIE ROSE Several earlier studies have found that, among patients with a history of colon polyps or cancer, re...
ANDREW CHAN I was a queen, and you took away my crown, a wife, and you killed my huband, a mother, and you took ...
MARIE ANTOINETTE While our analysis showed that aspirin may have different effects in men and women, the relatively s...
DR. JEFFREY BERGER If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE We're going to keep that portion of this bottle that we know we're going to have to keep with us for...
PAUL HEATH I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA There appears to be a gender-based difference in the beneficial effect of aspirin.
DR. DAVID BROWN Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT It's a very frightening feeling to feel like you can have a busted taillight or wear a hoodie or...
STERLING K. BROWN You just have to keep plugging away and if you get lucky enough to get a job, you get one.
MICHAEL VARTAN Democracy is supposed to give you the feeling of choice, like Painkiller X and Painkiller Y. But the...
GORE VIDAL One afternoon, I am complaining about the confusion of my age, what is expected of me versus what I ...
MITCH ALBOM Many people pray as if God were a big aspirin pill; they come only when they hurt.
B. GRAHAM DIENERT When Maimonides says that the Messiah will come but that 'he may tarry,' we see the origin of every ...
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast
GROUCHO MARX Well, once again, my friend we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives u...
THE TICK In New York, you've got Donald Trump, Woody Allen, a crack addict and a regular Joe, and they...
ETHAN HAWKE But nothing beats a Woody Allen film on a Sunday night, with a glass of wine and some leftovers.
KATE FLEETWOOD It is not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left.
HUBERT H. HUMPHREY Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER O! green bottle come & take my frustrations away,so says the drunk.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C. I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT Aspirin is tough to beat, but it too has bleeding risk.
DR. DEEPAK BHATT It is not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left.
HUBERT H. HUMPHREY If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE I don't know if you have ever seen the Woody Allen film 'Annie Hall,' but it is, in a wa...
HENRY ROLLINS Aspirin is a drug that has been used for many years - it is well-understood, effective, inexpensive ...
JEFFREY BERGER These new data from the Mayo Clinic certainly help support the case for using aspirin before surgery...
ERIC TOPOL Aspirin has been used for many years, it is well-understood, effective, inexpensive and widely avail...
DR. JEFFREY BERGER Woody Allen sets are very quiet. Extraordinary sense of power from a man who doesn't do anything...
F. MURRAY ABRAHAM What you do, say, and have reveal who you are.
LORRIN L. LEE I've never known Vern to be ill. I doubt if he ever took an aspirin.
BOB LEMON I've never known Vern to be ill, ... I doubt if he ever took an aspirin.
BOB LEMON You're still lovely," Mor said a bit gently.
Elain offered a half smile. "I suppose that war m...
SARAH J. MAAS It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL On the field, you have to be aggressive; you're thinking how to get the better of a situation. I...
YUVRAJ SINGH I'm very thankful. When you walk through the Wal-Marts and you see the missing children, do you real...
MARSHA THOMSEN Aspirin use is much less frequent than we expected.
RANDALL STAFFORD I appreciate the fact that you have one redeeming quality, Jack, but that is all it is. Just a hint ...
K.A. LINDE He keeps you grounded and lets you know that regardless of what happens, don't ever get too upset ab...
A.J. HAWK Headache!" Zeus bellowed. "Bad. bad headache!"
As if to prove his point, the lord of the univer...
RICK RIORDAN I'm sick and tired of black and white people of good intent giving aspirin to a society that is dyin...
RALPH ABERNATHY Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It'...
DAVID LETTERMAN I have found that every family has a strange remedy for any situation - from 'Use Fantastic to g...
NIA VARDALOS I think a reasonable dose is 81 milligrams a day, the amount in one baby aspirin.
DR. DAVID L. BROWN A large part of their game is predicated on their passing. They tend to go away from their passes at...
GLENN QUINLAND This is good news because many of the past studies of the effect of aspirin in preventing cardiovasc...
DR. JEFFREY BERGER This is good news, because many of the past studies of the effect of aspirin in preventing cardiovas...
DR. JEFFREY BERGER This is good news because many of the past studies of the effect of aspirin in preventing cardiovasc...
JEFFREY BERGER

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
WOODY ALLEN Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
WOODY ALLEN If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
WOODY ALLEN Subjectivity is objective.
WOODY ALLEN The most expensive sex is free sex
WOODY ALLEN These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
WOODY ALLEN We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
WOODY ALLEN I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
WOODY ALLEN Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
WOODY ALLEN This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
WOODY ALLEN The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
WOODY ALLEN Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN