Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
Ambrose Bierce
Related Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfort... AMBROSE BIERCE To search the sands of a lost desert for truth and justice in this world today you might as well be ... GARY F EVANS... Today is about the now, the moment you live in, so do now what you want to do SOTONYE ANGA The battle is not physical, it is spiritual and your mind is the battleground. Keep your mind pure a... JEANETTE CORON Savor the moment. Set a goal that you value and plan the steps to of getting there in a way that you... TERENCE T. GORSKI I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. The things i know now, i never knew then. I wish i knew. SOTONYE ANGA Dedication is the preparation to success! WERNER BOTHA The love you get, is equal to the love you give. BEN OAK First you have to learn the rules of the game, then you have to know the game better than anyone els... APURVA GAGLANI Stop a minute, Ambrose!" interrupted Master Nathaniel. "I've got a sudden silly whim that we should ... HOPE MIRRLEES The secret of my success is my hairspray. RICHARD GERE Love is blind, and a deaf-mute too. PATRICK ROTHFUSS The unfortunate thing is that, sometimes, we slip, but, fortunately, consciously or unconsciously, w... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Only the strong will remain, all the weak will be consumed by fire BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA The heart is deceitful and wicked in everyone; the Holy Spirit changes even the most wretched sinner... NORM TOMLINSON Woe unto you if you have come to this world just to fear man,for man is nothing but ordinary dust wi... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) The power of man;Man does not only have the power to accomplish great & unbelievable things in life,... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ... J.J. MCAVOY Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play. J.R. RIM If the best is possible, than good is never enough and only do the best. ROBERT SIAHAAN Typing is the future of talking and to don't forgot and brother of feature. DEYTH BANGER His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha... TEKOA MANNING Being present is being connected to All Things. S. KELLEY HARRELL, M. DIV. But I am a knight of the Round Table," he protested, weakly. "I am a protector of the realm, a slaye... TANYA HUFF The chance to do it over again is called now. J.R. RIM Your mind is a Microcosm of strength and power. There’s all the magic you need in it. When all els... CHINONYE J. CHIDOLUE Were you there?” She shook her head. “No. I was here in Nain having a child.” �... FRANCINE RIVERS She said 'Over my dead body!' so I took her at her word. DIANA WYNNE JONES The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being a... NEIL GAIMAN What is the Other?" they ask. The Other is the one who taught me whatI should be like, but not ... PAULO COELHO When you live in the present, the past is forgotten & the future takes care of itself. MANDY HALE I think it's so dope that I'm here in Chicago and contributing to the music scene that's... CHANCE THE RAPPER The whole point of 'Acid Rap' was just to ask people a question: does the music business sid... CHANCE THE RAPPER With 'Acid Rap,' I allowed myself to be really open-minded and free with who I allowed into ... CHANCE THE RAPPER Both of my parents graduated from high school, both attended college, both have government jobs now.... CHANCE THE RAPPER One of the first times I ever performed in front of a big group of people was at my kindergarten gra... CHANCE THE RAPPER I don't know where people think I'm from, but I'm from Chicago. It's really just tha... CHANCE THE RAPPER There's a hunger in me that always wants to be creating and orating, telling people something an... CHANCE THE RAPPER Depending on the story that you're telling, you can be relatable to everybody or nobody. I try a... CHANCE THE RAPPER The idea of 'talking white,' a lot of people grew up around that, just the idea that if you ... CHANCE THE RAPPER I made the decision that I was going to make rap music in, like, fourth grade, so it's been some... CHANCE THE RAPPER Kanye took me from a kid who listened to music to a kid who lived music. CHANCE THE RAPPER I'm light skinned, and I used to lean on that because that's something a lot of black people... CHANCE THE RAPPER I think even before I knew I wanted to be a rapper, I wanted to be an entertainer. I was really into... CHANCE THE RAPPER There's nothing like doing a show at home. When you do a show in Chicago, there's just a cer... CHANCE THE RAPPER I've never met Eminem; you don't meet Eminem. He has his own secret service. CHANCE THE RAPPER My favorite artist in the world is Michael Jackson, and he revolutionized the music video aspect of ... CHANCE THE RAPPER Music can kind of make you one-dimensional. People see what's on the surface and what you rap ab... CHANCE THE RAPPER The weird thing about rap is that you don't get compared in the same way that athletes do, even ... CHANCE THE RAPPER For me, performing is the biggest part of being a rapper. There's nothing like the feeling of sc... CHANCE THE RAPPER 'Chance the Rapper' is many things. I'm constantly evolving. CHANCE THE RAPPER Fame or perceived success - it all comes from groupthink. CHANCE THE RAPPER When you're a Chicago artist, to play Lollapalooza, that's not a normal thing. It's arti... CHANCE THE RAPPER It wasn't until I left that I realised it's not weird to grow up in certain cities and, by t... CHANCE THE RAPPER People wanna say that they're part Native American or mixed, or anything other than black. We... CHANCE THE RAPPER I don't really have control over my direct impression on people anymore. I used to be the person... CHANCE THE RAPPER We can leave a place behind, or we can stay in that place and leave our selfishness (often expressed... JOHN H. GROBERG No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ... H. P. LOVECRAFT Everyone is the Umbrella Man and he is everyone. Every cough, sneeze, smile and wave means both ever... CRAIG CLEVENGER The fear of God is the only cure for the fear of people. CRAIG GROESCHEL Look, my friends!' he called. 'Here's a pretty hobbit-skin to wrap an elven princeling in! If it wer... J.R.R. TOLKIEN She was intimidating and all I could do was sit back on the couch as she paced back and forth, slowl... IN THE MAKING Hail to you gods, on that day of the great reckoning. Behold me, I have come to you, without sin, wi... THE BOOK OF THE DEAD When a man takes one step toward God, God takes more steps toward that man than there are sands in t... THE WORK OF THE CHARIOT He wept because he was afraid now that he could not save Gabriel. He no longer cared about himself LOIS LOWRY PEACE IS THE OBJECTIVE TO WAR, BUT THE BLOOD RUNNETH STILL NATALIE URQUIETA To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you r... MANDY HALE Men are not flattered by being shown that there has been a difference of purpose between the Almight... HAROLD HOLZER Wake every morning with the same feeling. Live up high and fly on top of the ceiling. I just know th... ANA CLAUDIA ANTUNES Friendship is a double-edged sword one side it can be great and true but the other side it spells be... GARY F EVANS... Now is the only time we have, and the only time that we have any control over. RICHARD CARLSON Here was one with an air of high nobility such as Aragorn at times revealed, less high perhaps, yet ... J.R.R. TOLKIEN If I have any desire at all, it is to show the brotherhood of man. This is a big statement and it so... WILLIAM SAROYAN Destiny is the name we give to the strange way our lives turn out. MARTY RUBIN Mother Superior jump the gun... -The Beatles, Happiness is a Warm Gun LAUREN MYRACLE That's it really; it's all love, whichever way you look at it, it's all love. How much you can Get f... GEORGE HARRISON I don't know if I have a favorite color. KATE MIDDLETON It's very special having a new little girl. KATE MIDDLETON May I never neither turn left nor turn right in my journey of life, but may I go straight to Christ ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Life begins somewhere and ends somewhere with time but to get somewhere with the life you have depen... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH The only other home I can enter without an invitation, is my parents home. BEN OAK A Bluesman hates to be told what to do. Authority rankles him, inspires his rebellion, and plays to ... CHRISTOPHER MOORE Then that's what the Northern Lights are. All the lives that we're not living. ADI ALSAID She herself is a haunted house. She does not possess herself; her ancestors sometimes come and peer ... ANGELA CARTER The profound ability to use aural and written language has enabled our species to collectively explo... KATHERINE VUCICEVIC No, sweet one. See, my precious: if we has it, then we can escape, even from Him, eh? Perhaps we gro... J.R.R. TOLKIEN Don't you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you're not taking advantage of it?... ERNEST HEMINGWAY Now is everything Now is the essence Now is the focus Focus on the now For that ... KAREN HACKEL The Biggest Threat to our Democracy, Freedoms and Future is Leadership that fosters and Appeases the... MICHAEL HARRIS Game plan is bigger than the match plan only in that sport where a lot of money is involved. ANUJ SOMANY They want to increase the popularity of the game by merely projecting a few players as a big celebri... ANUJ SOMANY It's all to do with the training: you can do a lot if you're properly trained. QUEEN ELIZABETH II Like all best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and... QUEEN ELIZABETH II My husband has quite simply been my strength and stay all these years, and I owe him a debt greater ... QUEEN ELIZABETH II It is easy enough to define what the Commonwealth is not. Indeed this is quite a popular pastime. QUEEN ELIZABETH II I have to be seen to be believed. QUEEN ELIZABETH II I have in sincerity pledged myself to your service, as so many of you are pledged to mine. Throughou... QUEEN ELIZABETH II I hope that tomorrow we can all, wherever we are, join in expressing our grief at Diana's loss, ... QUEEN ELIZABETH II
More Ambrose Bierce
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e... AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention. AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ... AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions. AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b... AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e... AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand... AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean , n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g... AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m... AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi... AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th... AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others. AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ... AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes... AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co... AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no... AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan... AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi... AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify. AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover... AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support. AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un... AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t... AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen... AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti... AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me! AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire. AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you. AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis... AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please... AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl... AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give... AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien... AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C. AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ... AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws. AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k... AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip. AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free. AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad... AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha... AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does. AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom... AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen. AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie... AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou... AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o... AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead. AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart. AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso... AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi... AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ... AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte... AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima... AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ... AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o... AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde... AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus... AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com... AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m... AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So... AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie... AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc... AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh... AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover. AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of... AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci... AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s... AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai... AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ... AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ... AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the... AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ... AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist , n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive , adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater , n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa... AMBROSE BIERCE The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge. AMBROSE BIERCE