Malory! You've got a chipmunk on your pussy!

I never said nothing..."
"I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.

Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he thought we were headed to Iraq.