Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean....Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
GEORGE F. BURNS I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty
GEORGE F. BURNS Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE F. BURNS If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding wo...
GEORGE F. BURNS The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as cl...
GEORGE F. BURNS Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE F. BURNS If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
GEORGE F. BURNS I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
GEORGE F. BURNS I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm ...
GEORGE F. BURNS People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a patern...
GEORGE F. BURNS When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
GEORGE F. BURNS If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
GEORGE F. BURNS Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE F. BURNS Be quick to learn and wise to know.
GEORGE F. BURNS It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or ...
GEORGE F. BURNS You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
GEORGE F. BURNS Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on ...
GEORGE F. BURNS I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
GEORGE F. BURNS I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at somethin...
GEORGE F. BURNS At my age flowers scare me.
GEORGE F. BURNS I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate
GEORGE F. BURNS Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
GEORGE F. BURNS The reason we're doing this now is because I'm booked to play Pasadena the week of my 100th birthday
GEORGE F. BURNS This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
GEORGE F. BURNS I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
GEORGE F. BURNS I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
GEORGE F. BURNS It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex ...
GEORGE F. BURNS People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways - I’m...
GEORGE F. BURNS I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
GEORGE F. BURNS Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair
GEORGE F. BURNS The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE F. BURNS Life's but a day at most.
GEORGE F. BURNS Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
GEORGE F. BURNS I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
GEORGE F. BURNS Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
GEORGE F. BURNS I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
GEORGE F. BURNS You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do w...
GEORGE F. BURNS First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, y...
GEORGE BURNS Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE BURNS Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
GEORGE BURNS I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
GEORGE BURNS I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
GEORGE BURNS When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
GEORGE BURNS If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
GEORGE BURNS If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding wo...
GEORGE BURNS I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could ...
GEORGE BURNS I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
GEORGE BURNS Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE BURNS It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and ...
GEORGE BURNS I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at somethin...
GEORGE BURNS I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
GEORGE BURNS Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on ...
GEORGE BURNS It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirte...
GEORGE BURNS No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible
GEORGE BURNS Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting h...
GEORGE BURNS Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
GEORGE BURNS The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
GEORGE BURNS Be quick to learn and wise to know.
GEORGE BURNS Life's but a day at most.
GEORGE BURNS Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
GEORGE BURNS I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better...
GEORGE BURNS It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
GEORGE BURNS How can I die? I'm booked.
GEORGE BURNS If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
GEORGE BURNS By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
GEORGE BURNS You know you're getting old when you stop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while yo...
GEORGE BURNS Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
GEORGE BURNS Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting ha...
GEORGE BURNS I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
GEORGE BURNS I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
GEORGE BURNS If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
GEORGE BURNS I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
GEORGE BURNS Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of wo...
GEORGE BURNS If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding wo...
GEORGE BURNS The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as cl...
GEORGE BURNS At my age flowers scare me.
GEORGE BURNS You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
GEORGE BURNS I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
GEORGE BURNS Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE BURNS Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE BURNS I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
GEORGE BURNS I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can'...
GEORGE BURNS I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I ...
GEORGE BURNS You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do w...
GEORGE BURNS Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
GEORGE BURNS It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or ...
GEORGE BURNS I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
GEORGE BURNS I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
GEORGE BURNS Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE BURNS Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE BURNS When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered ecce...
GEORGE BURNS If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I...
GEORGE BURNS You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE BURNS Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can c...
GEORGE BURNS I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoyed than be a success at something I hate.
GEORGE BURNS If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm...
GEORGE BURNS Do you know what it means to come home at night to a man who'll give you a little love, a little aff...
GEORGE BURNS Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
GEORGE BURNS Fortunately,
GEORGE BURNS I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the onl...
GEORGE BURNS I think I look about 40 to 45, so I like it.
GEORGE BURNS I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
GEORGE BURNS Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for fiv...
GEORGE BURNS If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a h...
GEORGE BURNS The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as cl...
GEORGE BURNS Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
GEORGE BURNS The future has a way of arriving unannounced.
GEORGE F. WILL Voters don't decide issues, they decide who will decide issues.
GEORGE F. WILL The longer I live, the more I have come to value the gift of eloquence. Every American youth, if he ...
GEORGE F. HOAR If the truth were known, many sermons are prepared and preached with more regard for the sermon than...
GEORGE F. PENTECOST Some parents say it is toy guns that make boys warlike. But give a boy a rubber duck and he will sei...
GEORGE F. WILL If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. (It conveys prec...
GEORGE F. WILL Sports serve society by providing vivid examples of excellence.
GEORGE F. WILL Americans are overreachers; overreaching is the most admirable of the many American excesses.
GEORGE F. WILL The business of America is not business. Neither is it war. The business of America is justice and s...
GEORGE F. WILL Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee m...
GEORGE F. WILL Heroism is endurance for one moment more.
GEORGE F. KENNAN The best an American can look forward to is the lonely pleasure of one who stands at long last on a ...
GEORGE F. KENNAN We are given children to test us and make us more spiritual.
GEORGE F. WILL We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the un...
GEORGE F. WILL By this I mean that a political society does not live to conduct foreign policy; it would be more co...
GEORGE F. KENNAN The problem with intelligent design theory is not that it is false but that it is not falsifiable: N...
GEORGE F. WILL The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasa...
GEORGE F. WILL Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love, a time when the love of God and the love of our fello...
GEORGE F. MCDOUGALL The accords were fig leaves of democratic procedure to hide the nakedness of Stalinist dictatorship.
GEORGE F. KENNAN It is no longer enough to be lusty. One must be a sexual gourmet.
GEORGE F. WILL Socialism, born and raised in France, is unpersuasive even to the promiscuously persuadable French.
GEORGE F. WILL The very concept of history implies the scholar and the reader. Without a generation of civilized pe...
GEORGE F. KENNAN This is what bipartisanship looks like; constant rubbish from both sides of the aisle.
GEORGE F. WILL Politics should share one purpose with religion: the steady emancipation of the individual through t...
GEORGE F. WILL Americans, endowed by their solicitous government with an ever-expanding array of entitlements, now ...
GEORGE F. WILL The reformers' preferred metaphor is "leveling the playing field." They should listen to the logic o...
GEORGE F. WILL There may be more poetry than justice in poetic justice.
GEORGE F. WILL Today more Americans are imprisoned for drug offenses than for property crimes.
GEORGE F. WILL Schools, including universities, must insist upon the prestige of reading and especially of reading ...
GEORGE F. WILL The unpleasant sound Bush is emitting as he traipses from one conservative gathering to another is a...
GEORGE F. WILL Stalin's henchman Molotov, 96, died old and in bed, a privilege he helped to deny to millions.
GEORGE F. WILL When America uses power, it makes people angry, but it gets their attention.
GEORGE F. WILL A politician's words reveal less about what he thinks about his subject than what he thinks about hi...
GEORGE F. WILL You can pursue happiness by wearing a torn jersey. You can catch it by being good at something you l...
GEORGE F. WILL This is an age in which one cannot find common sense without a search warrant
GEORGE F. WILL Modern man's capacity for destruction is quixotic evidence of humanity's capacity for reconstruction...
GEORGE F. WILL Ronald Reagan has held the two most demeaning jobs in the country; President of the United States an...
GEORGE F. WILL The gap between ideals and actualities, between dreams and achievements, the gap that can spur stron...
GEORGE F. WILL World War II was the last government program that really worked.
GEORGE F. WILL Football features two of the worst aspects of American life, violence and committee meetings.
GEORGE F. WILL A society that thinks the choice between ways of living is just a choice between equally eligible "l...
GEORGE F. WILL Childhood is frequently a solemn business for those inside it.
GEORGE F. WILL Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of talking in strange tongues ...
GEORGE F. WILL Part of the beauty and much of the moral seriousness of sport derives from the severe justice of str...
GEORGE F. WILL You really don't want a president who is a football fan. Football combines the worst features of Ame...
GEORGE F. WILL The phrase "domestic cat" is an oxymoron.
GEORGE F. WILL Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all ...
GEORGE F. WILL Pessimism is as American as apple pie-frozen apple pie with a slice of processed cheese.
GEORGE F. WILL All God's chillun got shoes or can get them in Mrs Marcos's closet, which is large enough to house M...
GEORGE F. WILL Scholars concede but cannot explain the amazing chemistry of Cub fans' loyalty. But their unique ste...
GEORGE F. WILL Heroism ... is endurance for one moment more.
GEORGE F. KENNAN We should cease to talk about vague and unreal objectives such as human rights, the raising of the l...
GEORGE F. KENNAN The best [an American] can look forward to is the lonely pleasure of one who stands at long last on ...
GEORGE F. KENNAN Russia, Russia-unwashed, backward, appealing Russia, so ashamed of your own backwardness, so orienta...
GEORGE F. KENNAN I shall always remember you-slyly, touchingly, but with great shouting and confusion-pumping hot wat...
GEORGE F. KENNAN Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, seems to flow.
GEORGE F. WILL Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.
GEORGE F. WILL Coarseness occurs in a land where platitude inflames this sense of entitlement to more of almost eve...
GEORGE F. WILL Behavior was better when cinemas were opulent.
GEORGE F. WILL Football brings out the sociologist that lurks in some otherwise respectable citizens. They say foot...
GEORGE F. WILL Chicago Cubs fans are ninety percent scar tissue.
GEORGE F. WILL Politicians fascinate because they constitute such a paradox; they are an elite that accomplishes me...
GEORGE F. WILL American politics as you know . . . is very often a matter of capture the flag. The party that loses...
GEORGE F. WILL The Berlin Wall is the defining achievement of socialism
GEORGE F. WILL The pursuit of perfection often impedes improvement.
GEORGE F. WILL Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee m...
GEORGE F. WILL Whatever right the Second Amendment protects is not as important as it was 200 years ago... The gove...
GEORGE F. WILL The general effect of Cold War extremism was to delay rather than hasten the great change that overt...
GEORGE F. KENNAN Not only the studying and writing of history but also the honoring of it both represent affirmations...
GEORGE F. KENNAN [The accords were] fig leaves of democratic procedure to hide the nakedness of Stalinist dictatorshi...
GEORGE F. KENNAN The best thing we can do if we want the Russians to let us be Americans is to let the Russians be Ru...
GEORGE F. KENNAN Lacking an articulable defense of the cultural values under siege, he became a vessel of smoldering ...
GEORGE F. WILL If you accept a democratic system, this means that you are prepared to put up with those of its work...
GEORGE F. KENNAN Were the Soviet Union to sink tomorrow under the waters of the ocean, the American military-industri...
GEORGE F. KENNAN Get evangelical Christian made them receptive to the possibility of redemption in the here and now.
GEORGE F. WILL As advertising blather becomes the nation's normal idiom, language becomes printed noise.
GEORGE F. WILL Government breeds more government, and a lobbying infrastructure to defend itself.
GEORGE F. WILL Matthew Arnold was a fastidious social critic and hence an accomplished complainer. When he died, an...
GEORGE F. WILL Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee m...
GEORGE F. WILL One attempt to reconcile the Gnostic doctrine [of the unreality of evilness] of matter with the apos...
F. F. BRUCE Commemoration of Caroline Chisholm, Social Reformer, 1877 The truth of Christ's supremacy over al...
F. F. BRUCE The evidence for our New Testament writings is ever so much greater than the evidence for many writi...
F. F. BRUCE Feast of Hilary, Bishop of Poitiers, Teacher, 367 Commemoration of Kentigern (Mungo), Missionary Bi...
F. F. BRUCE My mother was pragmatic, focused and extremely, exceedingly practical, and she was the ultimate self...
URSULA BURNS I went to an all-girls Catholic high school. The three things that they focused on were reading, wri...
URSULA BURNS Kids are pretty resilient. You don't have to be at every volleyball game. We can't guilt our...
URSULA BURNS Xerox is really good at managing documents, and we're definitely good at managing through a proc...
URSULA BURNS Xerox manages the infrastructure of E-ZPass for a large number of states. So when you say E-ZPass, a...
URSULA BURNS