The British tourist was asked what he thought of the Grand Canyon.. and wrote back 'gorge-ous'.

The seal went into the restaurant and was asked by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club on the rocks. He replied no thank you.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worthwhile.

Please don't follow in my footsteps. I'm already knee-deep in them, and am sinking rapidly...