FastSaying

The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”


Groucho Marx

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
JEAN GIRAUDOUX The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
JEAN GIRAUDOUX Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE BURNS Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE F. BURNS Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE BURNS The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE F. BURNS Integrity is crucial for business success - once you can fake that, you've got it made.
HENRY FORD Nothing fails like success. •Gerald Nachman We must believe in luck. For how else can we expl...
GERALD NACHMAN Sincerity: if you can fake it, you've got it made.
DANIEL SCHORR Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE BURNS Sincerity: if you can fake it, you've got it made.
DANIEL SCHORR You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
GEORGE BURNS The secret of my success is my hairspray.
RICHARD GERE Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
RICHARD JENI I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The secret of your success is determined by your daily agenda.
JOHN C. MAXWELL If you have to lie, cheat, and steal, you're just not doing it right, ... My career is a model of to...
DONALD TRUMP The secret of my success is a two word answer: Know people.
HARVEY S. FIRESTONE Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW Integrity is the recognition of the fact that you cannot fake your consciousness, just as honesty is...
AYN RAND The secret of success is to do all you can do without thought of success.
SOURCE UNKNOWN The secret of success is to do all you can do without thought of success.
I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD The important thing about having lots of things to remember is that you’ve got to go somewhere aft...
TERRY PRATCHETT Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ing...
GEORGE S. PATTON The secret of our success is that we never, never give up.
WILMA MANKILLER The secret of man's success resides in his insight into the mood's of people, and his tact in dealin...
JOSIAH GILBERT HOLLAND Success is far more perilous than failure, isn’t it? You’ve got to be doubly strong and watchful...
NOëL COWARD The syntactical nature of reality, the real secret of magic, is that the world is made of words. And...
TERENCE MCKENNA If you want to know the secret to success, ask those who have not succeeded in their lives.
VIKRANT PARSAI Dear Anonymous, I've got a secret
I know you can keep it
because you don't really exist....
KRISTEN HENDERSON When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Deceit is in haste, but honesty can wait a fair leisure
PROVERB Something did happen, and I really don't feel proud of it.
DEYTH BANGER We learned about honesty and integrity - that the truth matters... that you don't take shortcuts...
MICHELLE OBAMA I don't think that you can fake warmth. You can fake lust, jealousy, anger; those are all quite ...
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY The secret of success is this: there is no secret of success.
ELBERT HUBBARD The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH You’ll never be successful if you’re afraid of the task at hand. The true meaning of success is ...
AVIS JOHN That is Matt?s call. If he sees that he can make it, he calls the fake. He made it easily.
BILL SCOTT A Fake Smile Is The Best Secret.
JOSHUA GREEN I will leave you with one last piece of advice, which is: If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you ...
MINDY KALING If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
HENRY FORD Honesty and integrity are absolutely essential for success in life - all areas of life. The really g...
ZIG ZIGLAR The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure u...
TONY ROBBINS When you have failed at being nice, you’ve actually succeeded in being mean. Success is everywhere...
KATINA FERGUSON If you can do it, why you won't do it???
If you have chance why you won't use it?
DEYTH BANGER You’ve got choices, like any other creature. You can stumble down that road, pretending you can’...
KERSTEN HAMILTON I'm very short so I always say, 'If you haven't got it, you've got to fake it, man'
EMMA BUNTON If you automate a process that has errors, all you’ve done is automate the generation of those err...
W.L.W. BOROWIECKI And the game of dominoes is much like life: You gotta play the bones you’ve pulled. It don’t mat...
S.B. REDD "ENTHUSIAM" is the key to #success and secret of success.
LALIT BHOJWANI Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX You kissed me once and now you feel as if you’ve got some special kind of licence to do it wheneve...
SIMONA PANOVA Young man, the secret of my success is that at early age I discovered that I was not God.
OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, JR. The secret of success is before attempting anything, be very clear about why you are doing it.” If...
BOHDI SANDERS To follow, without halt, one aim: that's the secret of success.
ANNA PAVLOVA To stand on the
brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli...
ASK AND IT IS GIVEN I like honesty and fair play.
MARCUS GARVEY How can you know what is missing if you’ve never met it? You must know of something’s existence ...
E.L. KONIGSBURG If you want a great site, you’ve got to test. After you’ve worked on a site for even a few weeks...
STEVE KRUG I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX I wanted to see if I could hit [Campbell] with the fake. He went for it. That really got the crowd ...
HAKIM WARRICK I stand by the principle of honesty, fair play, and trustworthiness.
T. S. KALYANARAMAN You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you a...
PAULO COELHO The thing that made Groucho special was the way he used his body parts. He also had a wicked tongue....
SIDNEY SHELDON I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES Much of the work of midlife is to tell the difference between those who are dealing with their issue...
RICHARD ROHR The secret of success in every field is redefining what success means to you. It can't be your p...
RUPAUL You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
NAPOLEON HILL So cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be don...
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS So cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be d...
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS If you haven't got it. Fake it! Too short? Wear big high heels, but do practice walking.
VICTORIA ADAMS If you haven't got it. Fake it! Too short? Wear big high heels, but do practice walking!
VICTORIA BECKHAM The secret to success in life is known only to those who have not succeeded.
JOHN CHURTON COLLINS It is what it is, it is what you make it.
JAMES DURBIN If there is an essence to this wordly life, then it is the basis of honesty [morality]. If you have ...
DADA BHAGWAN When the venture has been made of dealing with historical events and characters, it always seems fai...
CHARLOTTE MARY YONGE Success is a Journey: so, don’t forget to pack your COURAGE: to face the obstacles heading your wa...
PHILIP T. M. He's such a good actor and he loves the Groucho character so much he made a study of him.
ARTHUR MARX Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success.
HENRY FORD In those days, there was one secret to making good comedy. If it made the audience laugh, it was a g...
HAL ROACH The secret of success is sincerity.
JEAN GIRAUDOUX Honesty, simplicity and truth are the secret to his comedy,
MONTY PYTHON For a highly motivated learner, it's not like knowledge is secret and somehow the Internet made ...
BILL GATES If one is in harmony with his family, he has found the secret of success.
VIKRANT PARSAI Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
MARK TWAIN Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside
MARK TWAIN The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure u...
ANTHONY ROBBINS The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure u...
ANTHONY ROBBINS If the existing industry is happy and growing, you can market that to others. You can point to those...
JEFF MCKAY You've got to ask! Asking is, in my opinion, the world's most powerful -- and neglected -- secret to...
PERCY ROSS

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX