The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent and it must be equal.

In a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating, stealing, getting rich, and whipping servants. But you have to shoot him in the end.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

A survey found that ten percent of those questioned thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife...

I never married. Nobody ever asked me.

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage, they are giving evidence at an inquest.