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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.


Ambrose Bierce

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Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C. His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha...
TEKOA MANNING The opportunity to decieve others is ever present and often tempting, and each instance of deception...
SAM HARRIS The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live o...
WILL ROGERS The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal -- they have to liv...
WILL ROGERS She buys "mixed salad greens" for seven dollars a bag, triple-washed with who knows what. And to get...
RUDOLPH DELSON The danger of civilization, of course, is that you will piss away your life on nonsense.
JIM HARRISON Mother Superior jump the gun...
-The Beatles, Happiness is a Warm Gun
LAUREN MYRACLE What Fucks me... is that we both are the same... we all walk on the same path... but everything is a...
DEYTH BANGER We wonder why we're electing Democrats and Republicans who seem to be more extreme than the average ...
HERB ASHER The one wins, the one who believes.
MICHAL BACA The Democrats of the Sixties were all about making love and not war while a war-loving Republican is...
MICHELE ZIPP President Obama believes that income inequality is one of the most pressing matters facing the natio...
THOMAS PEREZ I believe that if Democrats - not any one Democrat, and certainly not just me - want to start winnin...
LAURA MOSER You can't find someone who believes that one is more important than the other.
STEVE FRIEDMAN Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he ...
THOMAS JEFFERSON Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he...
THOMAS JEFFERSON An Op-Ed by a Republican criticizing the Democrats, or vice versa, is easy to come by and not that i...
ANDREW ROSENTHAL I'm fucking the grave, I thought, I'm bringing the dead back to life...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI And there are some of them who molest the Prophet and say: He is one who believes every thing that h...
QURAN I think it's clear to me that what - when I look at the tea party, it's about one-third Demo...
JEFF SESSIONS If what Holtzman decides to do is run against Republicans, it could hurt other Republicans. If you s...
KATY ATKINSON The difference between a Democrat and Republican is that Democrats fight to make sure everybody has ...
DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ How do you know if something is real? That’s easy. Does it change you? Does it form you? Does it g...
C. JOYBELL C. He's one of those unusual people who believes in what he's doing.
JAY EISENHOFER What he says is careful and correct. The most important fact is that Rod Smith is the only Democrat ...
DAVID KOCHMAN What matters is the one thing I do know for certain: God is with me.
CRAIG GROESCHEL shows that he's man who thinks for himself, and I think that it shows that he's a man who believes I...
BILL BRADLEY We don't call a man mad who believes that he eats God, but we do the one who says he is Jesus Christ
CLAUDE ADRIEN HELVETIUS Democrats, independents, Republicans, all of us Americans who love our country. What a wonderful tim...
ROBERT HURT Courage is feeling justly afraid and yet still doing what is right.
SHANNON HALE My hope is that we would begin to have a dialogue in this country about the importance of civility. ...
TOM BROKAW I am just a garden variety Republican who, like Lincoln, believes in the Constitution and in the Bil...
EVERETT DIRKSEN Ques eso? Queso?
NOLAN J. VANDER HAAGEN I think America is in trouble, but it's not beyond repair. But it's going to take leadership...
MIKE HUCKABEE The private sector should have a massively larger role. It is frankly stupid that we are the only co...
IAIN DUNCAN SMITH Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE One possibility is that Sen. Santorum is saying what he believes. Politicians do that sometimes.
ROBERT MARANTO Are we still a country that takes risks, that innovates, that believes anything is possible? Or are ...
MITCH MCCONNELL We now have what, for the general public, would appear at least to be a rather ludicrous situation. ...
MIKE DEWINE Your mind is a Microcosm of strength and power. There’s all the magic you need in it. When all els...
CHINONYE J. CHIDOLUE Breakthrough unlimited awaits the one who dreams &believes success.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited ...
AMBROSE BIERCE When everyone in the whole world believes one thing and you are the only one who believes differentl...
SYLVAIN REYNARD The Republican Party believes that people shouldn't leave their moral and spiritual beliefs at the d...
BILL PEASLEE I am one of those who believes that the presidential power of the pardon under the Constitution is a...
ORRIN HATCH The media believes that what Obama was gonna do when he took over, go dictator immediately, that was...
RUSH LIMBAUGH All of life is a foreign country.
JACK KEROUAC He's popular, but he's a Republican representing a Blue State. People are going to have to decide if...
DARRELL WEST This is very significant to have someone who was a Democrat for many years, and drifted over to the ...
LOWELL FELD I am one who believes that one of the greatest dangers of advertising is not that of misleading peop...
LEO BURNETT A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
HARRY S TRUMAN A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something e...
ALBERT EINSTEIN A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something eve...
ALBERT EINSTEIN The two men had a conversation. Brief, cryptic, to the point. As though they had exchanged numbers a...
ARUNDHATI ROY A dramatist is one who believes that the pure event, an action involving human beings, is more arres...
THORNTON WILDER To search the sands of a lost desert for truth and justice in this world today you might as well be ...
GARY F EVANS... Today is about the now, the moment you live in, so do now what you want to do
SOTONYE ANGA Be a good guide, tell me what you see, are sure is that?
Please try to describe the picture as ...
DEYTH BANGER The whole war between the atheist and the theist comes down to this: the atheist believes a 'what' c...
CRISS JAMI A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually
ABBA EBAN A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
ABBA EBAN An idealist believes the short run doesn't count. A cynic believes the long run doesn't matter. A re...
SYDNEY J. HARRIS We begin to fight. The wind and I. Horns locked. Battling each other with elements.
LAURA DOCKRILL I have always been a romantic, one of those people who believes that a woman in pink circus tights c...
TOM ROBBINS Sometimes the only one who believes in you is you, and sometimes that's all you need. 
RICHARD 'GRIMESY' GRIMES A true friend is one who believes in you, even when you have created doubt within yourself. ~ Tom Ba...
TOM BAKER AKA THE PONDERING MAN A liberal is a person who believes that water can be made to run uphill. A conservative is someone w...
THEODORE WHITE Only he who believes is obedient and only he who is obedient believes.
DIETRICH BONHOEFFER When push comes to shove would people do what they felt was right, to get justice done or would they...
GARY F EVANS... 'Moderate Republican' is simply how the blabocracy flatters Republicans who vote with the De...
ANN COULTER It takes two people to make a lie work: the person who tells it, and the one who believes it.
JODI PICOULT Now here I am playing a passionate young Irishman who would die for what he believes in.
JAMES D'ARCY A self-made man is one who believes in luck and sends his son to Oxford.
CHRISTINA STEAD If one age believes too much it is natural that another believes too little.
GEORGE EARLE BUCKLE If one age believes too much it is natural that another believes too little.
LUDWIG BORNE Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play.
J.R. RIM Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't a...
DALAI LAMA He wept because he was afraid now that he could not save Gabriel. He no longer cared about himself
LOIS LOWRY The real world out there isn't nearly as nice as some people prefer it to be, so don't swallow every...
DAVID EDDINGS The Impossible Generalized Man today is the critic who believes in loving those unworthy of love as ...
NELSON ALGREN The Impossible Generalized Man today is the critic who believes in loving those unworthy of love as ...
NELSON ALGREN The Impossible Generalized Man today is the critic who believes in loving those unworthy of love as ...
NELSON ALGREN When I die it will be game over,... but I know one life is short, to be selfish is not the best deci...
DEYTH BANGER Now isn´t the time to change yourself to fit into the world... you should be changing the world to ...
ALEXANDRA BRACKEN Each of us views life through a different lens. What we think is colored by the baggage we carry, an...
LAURIE BUCHANAN, PHD There is one thing a professor can be absolutely certain of: almost every student entering the unive...
ALLAN BLOOM There is one thing a professor can be absolutely certain of: almost every student entering the unive...
ALLAN BLOOM I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix.
DEYTH BANGER A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
ALFRED E. WIGGAM Do what is best for you; it will be the best for the world.
DEBASISH MRIDHA I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES There is no one dangerous than a lying woman, because everyone believes what women say.
DE PHILOSOPHER DJ KYOS I am not one who - who flamboyantly believes in throwing a lot of words around.
GEORGE BUSH I am one of those people who believes that the solution to the world's problems is to be found b...
CHE GUEVARA I am one who believes that the market, properly incentivized, can consistently outperform government...
SAM BROWNBACK Empathy is the ability to step outside of your own bubble and into the bubbles of other people. Empa...
C. JOYBELL C. I would like to confirm once again that Syria believes, strongly believes, that it is innocent and t...
FAYSSAL MEKDAD Atheist: A person who believes in one less god than you do
DONALD MORGAN Atheist: A person who believes in one less god than you do
DONALD MORGAN

More Ambrose Bierce

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci...
AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s...
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai...
AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ...
AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa...
AMBROSE BIERCE The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
AMBROSE BIERCE