You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.

Now you hear a lot of jokes about Silent Cal Coolidge, ... but I think that the joke is on the people that make jokes because if you look at his record, he cut the taxes four times. We had probably the greatest growth and prosperity that we've ever known. And I have taken heed of that because if he did nothing, maybe that's the answer [ for ] the Federal Government.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

I remain just one thing, and one thing only -- and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.