Your boss loves your ideas ... it's you he doesn't care about.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic.

I notice being noticed immediately – I’m a freeway goddess! In the past five minutes of gridlock, I have been checked out by a bald man in convertible Mustang, a cowboy in an F-150, and a body-builder in a Lincoln Navigator. Watch out road warriors! I don’t want to be responsible for any accidents. If only I had a car decal that advertised: Available – if you meet my eligibility criteria!

What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.