Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'