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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.


Groucho Marx

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I let out a sound that was definitely not a whimper. It was something far more manly, no matter what...
BRANDON SANDERSON I'm an idiot anyway, but sometimes you feel like an idiot times ten when you're stoned.
BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG Who is he?"
"An idiot, said Adrian. "Makes me look like an upstanding member of society.
RICHELLE MEAD I needed to say something. Something romantic! Something to sweep her off her feet.
"You're lik...
BRANDON SANDERSON I'm not afraid to look like an idiot.
ANTHONY BOURDAIN I know, I'm an idiot!" Leo moaned. "A brilliant idiot, but still an idiot.
RICK RIORDAN We're so different. You're an intellectual. I'm an idiot."
"Don't say that," I yelled. "You're ...
MELINA MARCHETTA I felt like an idiot,
ELIZABETH MAY I’m going to look like an idiot to everyone I ever knew - or everyone I ever knew is going to real...
ROSS ELDER Are you an idiot, or an idiot?' Gargarin hissed.

'The first one. I really resent being ca...
MELINA MARCHETTA April comes like an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers.
EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY April comes like an idiot, babbling and stewing flowers.
EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot.
SARAH MAYBERRY Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
JANEANE GAROFALO I am an idiot. I am a complete and utter idiot. I got it wrong completely. The guy knows what he is ...
TONY KORNHEISER Don't just sit there and drool. Act like an idiot.
ALLEN TAYLOR I don't need alcohol to act like an idiot.
E.R. ROCK Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.
MARKUS ZUSAK Law is an ass, an idiot.
CHARLES DICKENS Don’t wait for respect, just act like an idiot and everyone will respect you.
VIKRANT PARSAI If I decide to be an idiot, then I'll be an idiot on my own accord.
JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH My boyfriend's an idiot," I say as soon as he lurches away.

"A cute idiot," Ally c...
LAUREN OLIVER What an idiot.
J.K. ROWLING The thing about interviews is that if someone interviews you, and they're an idiot, then they ma...
DEAN WAREHAM I love playing the macho guy who looks like an idiot.
WILL FERRELL What do you take me for, an idiot? [when asked if he was happy]
CHARLES DE GAULLE Don't Keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no ...
JIMMY FALLON Galileo was no idiot. Only an idiot could believe that science requires martyrdom - that may be nece...
DAVID HILBERT He is the kind of a man that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot
JUSTINE VOGT Boxing's a sport that gives you licence to act like an idiot, I think.
ANTHONY JOSHUA My father liked me, when I wasna being an idiot. And he loved me, too -- enough to beat the daylight...
DIANA GABALDON If I decide to be an idiot, then I'll be an idiot on my own accord.
JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH You make your son out to be to be almost an idiot; well let me tell you something, Mrs Loan, if he w...
CATHERINE COOKSON She is an incredibly intelligent idiot
GILLIAN FLYNN Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way...
JIMMY FALLON There is no one thoroughly despicable. We cannot descend much lower than an idiot; and an idiot has ...
WILLIAM HAZLITT You would be an idiot not to think he did it to evade capture . . . He is an outlaw, he believes the...
DAVID GARRETT I'm an idiot.
KATE MARA There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
DAVID LETTERMAN She really did like me, the idiot.
JEFF LINDSAY To generalize is to be an idiot.
WILLIAM BLAKE The 100% American is 99% an idiot.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEPHEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
JUSTINE VOGT You smoke?”
“Smoke? Do I look like a fucking idiot?
RICHARD K. MORGAN Lucky : An idiot person with a punchable face who gets something what he doesn't deserve.
HIMMILICIOUS Never argue with an idiot, because people watching may not know the difference.
DAVID J. HENDERHAN Politics works on the principle that an idiot who knows idiots is an intelligent!
THIRUMAN ARCHUNAN Show me a good loser and I'll show you an idiot.
LEO DUROCHER I'm an idiot for not doing it,
TOM FITZGERALD Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Republican. But I repeat myself.
HARRY TRUMAN Watch over Honoria, will you? See that she doesn’t marry an idiot.
JULIA QUINN I try not to get involved in the business of prediction. It's a quick way to look like an idiot.
WARREN ELLIS Don King isn't an idiot, he wouldn't be coming here if his boy had no chance,
FRANK WARREN There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT Bleaching my hair for Two Moon Junction... my hair was fried and I looked like an idiot.
SHERILYN FENN I'm not an idiot; I can make adjustments to my life. But I like having a schedule.
CARSON WENTZ Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
AMERICAN PROVERB Did I hear God call me an idiot?
WILLIAM PAUL YOUNG How can I lose to such an idiot?
AARON NIMZOVICH Treat everyone the same until you find out they're an idiot.
LUCY LAWLESS You can't fix stupid you can educate an idiot but it won't make him smart.
ANDONI GARCIA I'm not terribly happy about rock and roll. Certain rock music is uninspiring, numbing; it makes...
MANUEL PUIG 'Perhaps what Finneas needs, King Rowan, is an occupation. I believe there to be a village nearby i...
SARA BELL We get letters all the time about him wearing his hat backward and how it makes him look like a drug...
BRENDA ROETHLISBERGER Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
MARK TWAIN Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
MARK TWAIN Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
MARK TWAIN Idiot! Lunatic! Moron! Jackass! Selfish irresponsible fool!
STEPHENIE MEYER Show me a good loser and I'll show you an idiot.
LEO DUROCHER Dr. Insulza is quite an idiot, a true idiot. The insipid Dr. Insulza should resign from the secretar...
HUGO CHAVEZ It isn't against the Law to be an idiot.
CASSANDRA CLARE He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
DOUGLAS ADAMS He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
DOUGLAS ADAMS Just because the person who criticizes you is an idiot doesn't make him wrong.
ROGER ROSENBLATT No one believes he is an idiot until the consequences of his actions prove it. Then hindsight rubs i...
RICHELLE E. GOODRICH I'm ready to get back but I don't want to jump the gun. If I tried to jump the gun and had a setback...
BEN SHEETS Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
GEORGE CARLIN Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
MARK TWAIN Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.
MARCUS TULLIUS CICERO You're an idealist, and I pity you as I would the village idiot.
STANLEY KUBRICK The man that cannot visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot
ANDRE BRETON I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once ...
RAY ROMANO They say even death can't cure an idiot.
-Ririn
TITE KUBO You're an idiot."
"I've never claimed to be otherwise.
CASSANDRA CLARE Leave not a sword in the hand of an idiot.
UNKNOWN Fletcher appeared beside her. He peered at the baby.
"Can it do any tricks yet?"
"I'm sti...
DEREK LANDY Serious and intense people, they drain you. But someone who's an idiot, like myself, they're...
PAULY SHORE Accountability: If I vote an idiot into power ... who is to blame?
EDMAN VAN SCHALKWYK I'm an idiot like you said, so whatever you say about me doesn't matter, but you know... Don't you d...
KAZUE KATO Robby Gordon has a tremendous amount of talent, but when he pulls the helmet over his head, he knock...
FELIX SABATES I have enough motivation just not looking like an idiot on national television. The fear of disappoi...
ALEC BERG Cheesy lines like that will get you nowhere with me, but, by all means, keep them coming. You're so ...
KELLY ORAM To every rule there is an exception—and an idiot ready to demonstrate it. Don't be the one!
VERA NAZARIAN When I play live, I jump around like an idiot for an hour-and-a-half or more under a lighting rig th...
DIMEBAG DARRELL Words are useless without action. Stop fantasizing and just DO it. Be a "game changer" or get played...
ZIAD K. ABDELNOUR "If the law supposes that," said Mr. Bumble, "the law is an ass, a idiot."
CHARLES DICKENS Being dyslexic, I was told that I was an idiot all the time.
DAVID BAILEY She’s a veela!” he said hoarsely to Harry.
“Of course she isn’t!” said Hermion...
J.K. ROWLING

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX