I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in the game, which is more than can be said of tennis.

My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the local rec when I was nine years old, and it just stuck. Years later, when someone asked 'Jasper who?' I just said 'Carrott' - but I have no idea why I came out with that particular word.

There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal.

When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but this insults my intelligence.

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles.