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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.


Groucho Marx

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The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN This morning this young man does what his time in seminary was preparing him to do, and what for the...
EDGAR WELLS Each man is the architect of his own fate.
APPIUS CLAUDIUS If the devil does not exist, and man has therefore created him, he has created him in his own image ...
FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY I take him at his word that he does not have an ideological agenda and that he will be his own man a...
PATRICK LEAHY “Behind every successful man there is a woman” --- If a husband does not sacrifice his wishes fo...
MUHAMMAD ABDULLAH JAVED If God created everything, and if man is created in God's image, and if man can dream a fate greater...
MICHAEL ANTHONY Everything man does today to be efficient, to fill the hour? It does not satisfy. It only makes him ...
MITCH ALBOM The wise man does not lay up his own treasures. The more he gives to others, the more he has for his...
LAO TZU I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN You may fancy the Lord had His own power to fall back upon. But that would have been to Him just the...
GEORGE MACDONALD Perfect freedom is reserved for the man who lives by his own work and in that work does what he want...
ROBIN G. COLLINGWOOD Perfect freedom is reserved for the man who lives by his own work and in that work does what he wan...
SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE The man who regards his own life and that of his fellow-creatures as meaningless is not merely unfor...
ALBERT EINSTEIN The man who regards his own life and that of his fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unfor...
ALBERT EINSTEIN Whoever has his foe at his mercy, and does not kill him, is his own enemy
MUSLIH-UDDIN SADI The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX God does not lead all His servants by one road, nor in one way, nor at one time; for God is in all t...
JOHN TAULER What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
STEPHEN COLBERT Feast of Matthew, Apostle & Evangelist He is the true Gospel-bearer that carries it in his hands,...
DESIDERIUS ERASMUS The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX For man is man, and master of his fate.
JOHN TAYLOR "THE WATER POET" When a man dies, his wife is burned alive with him, but if the wife dies before her husband, the man...
AL-MAS'UDI Fear even when morbid is not cowardice. That is the label we reserve for something that a man does...
LORD MORAN Christianity set itself the goal of fulfilling man’s unattainable desires, but for that very reaso...
LUDWIG FEUERBACH He is a man of integrity. I have taken him at his word that he does not have an ideological agenda a...
PATRICK LEAHY Man does not rule the world. His creations do.
CALEB FLORA The fate of the young man in his headphones, who faced a jail cell that very night, did not seem suc...
ZADIE SMITH Of a rich man who was mean and niggardly, he said, "That man does not possess his estate, but his e...
LAERTIUS DIOGENES No man his the master of his fate.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA The reason man does not experience his true cultural self is that until he experiences another self ...
EDWARD T. HALL Little does the sick man consult his own interests, who makes his physician his heir.
UNKNOWN A wise man does his own work.
TURKISH PROVERB A man's character is his fate.
HERACLITUS Everywhere man is confronted with fate, with the chance of achieving something through his own suffe...
VIKTOR E. FRANKL Man is his own star and the soul that can render an honest and perfect man commands all light, all i...
JOHN FLETCHER A state that does not educate and train women is like a man who only trains his right arm.
JOSTEIN GAARDER A man who does not respect his own mother is absolutely no good.
AFRICAN-AMERICAN PROVERB A man carries his success or his failure with him, it does not depend on outside conditions.
RALPH WALDO TRINE Man is a prisoner who has no right to open the door of his prison and run away ... A man should wait...
PLATO A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to save them from starving. They all have food...
CHINUA ACHEBE Give a bowl of rice to a man and you will feed him for a day. Teach him how to grow his own rice and...
CONFUCIUS The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it t...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forev...
ANATOLE FRANCE The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last foreve...
ANATOLE FRANCE The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last foreve...
ANATOLE FRANCE I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE That young man will either be killed by you or he will spend the rest of his life in prison in a cou...
DAVID BAUGH Many a man spanks his children for the things his own father should have spanked out of him.
DON MARQUIS Look, look,' cried the count, seizing the young man's hands - "look, for on my soul it is curious. H...
ALEXANDRE DUMAS Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW No man has come to true greatness who has not felt that his life belongs to his race, and that which...
PHILLIPS BROOKS Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not wha...
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not wha...
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPéRY All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his.
OSCAR WILDE All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his.
OSCAR WILDE (OSCAR FINGAL O'FLAHERTIE WILDE) All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
OSCAR WILDE The right of nature... is the liberty each man hath to use his own power, as he will himself, for th...
THOMAS HOBBES The tragedy of modern man is not that he knows less and less about the meaning of his own life, but ...
VACLAV HAVEL The tragedy of modern man is not that he knows less and less about the meaning of his own life but t...
VACLAV HAVEL Man's Search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a 'secondary rationalization'...
VICTOR FRANKL A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me.
RUDOLPH VALENTINO Any man who does not accept the conditions of human life sells his soul.
CHARLES BAUDELAIRE The truest human is the one whose conduct proceeds from goodwill and an acute sense of propriety, an...
MARKESA YEAGER All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
OSCAR WILDE He who is different from me does not impoverish me - he enriches me. Our unity is constituted in som...
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY He who is different from me does not impoverish me - he enriches me. Our unity is constituted in som...
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPéRY A man that starts his journey with God and does not finish his journey with God isn't successful in ...
CHARITY RAPHAEL In the United States, man does not feel that he has been torn from the center of creation and suspen...
OCTAVIO PAZ Throughout the centuries, man has considered himself beautiful. I rather suppose that man only belie...
ISIDORE DUCASSE LAUTREAMONT Throughout the centuries, man has considered himself beautiful. I rather suppose that man only belie...
COMTE DE LAUTREAMONT According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is be...
GROUCHO MARX A man who tells you to follow him will turn his followers into his company, while a true leader who ...
SUZY KASSEM I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX A god who created man "after his own image", and still the origin of evil in man is not accredited t...
JOHANN MOST It is only in his work that an artist can find reality and satisfaction, for the actual world is les...
TENNESSEE WILLIAMS Men and women are made for each other, but their mutual dependence differs in degrees; man is depend...
JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU Ideas are powerful things, requiring not a studious contemplation but an action, even if it is only ...
MIDGE DECTER The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his pass...
ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passio...
ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passio...
ALFRED LORD TENNYSON That's him. Jason has his own strategy for pacing himself and he does it well.
AMY BEANER There is only one thing that a man really wants to do, all his life; and that is, to find his way to...
D. H. LAWRENCE Empowered Women 101: A man doesn't have to put down other women to prove his love for you. In fact, ...
SHANNON L. ALDER Oh, tell me, who first declared, who first proclaimed that man only does nasty things because he doe...
FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY Whatever man does he must do first in his mind
ALBERT SZENT-GYORGYI Whatever man does he must do first in his mind.
ALBERT SZENT-GYORGYI The man who loves other countries as much as his own stands on a level with the man who loves other ...
THEODORE ROOSEVELT A man with a mission does not think in terms of his own success and failure. He does his work for wh...
CHANDAN KUMAR DE Each man has his own desires; all do not possess the same inclinations
PERSIUS Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his ...
MATTHEW HENRY if man's life value for women and if she need man,believe me she can not Broke his swear never in an...
MOHAMMED ZAKI ANSARI A man is called selfish, not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's
RICHARD WHATELY How strange a thing like that happens to a man. He dabbles in something and does not realise that it...
PATRICK KAVANAGH Under the big political umbrella, a man is just like a leaf in the ocean, with no control of his des...
ZHANG YIMOU All is disgust when a man leaves his own nature and does what is unfit.
SOPHOCLES Man is mortal. This is his fate. Man pretends not to be mortal. That is his sin. Man is a creature o...
SYLVAN BARNET

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX