Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus
Be dull and boring and omnipresent
Criticize things you don't know about
Be oblong and have your knees removed

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

Free love, man, Free Love! Which, by the way, was the single greatest concept a young man has ever heard. About three years late, women got wise an my frustration returned to normal levels.