What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

I took my dog to the fire hydrant factory. They never saw so much excitement every time a hydrant came off the assembly line.

For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.