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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.


Tim Vine

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We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbour.
GILBERT K. CHESTERTON You may talk of the tyranny of Nero and Tiberius; but the real tyranny is the tyranny of your next...
WALTER BAGEHOT I think that, to a lot of people, they don't like my brand of whatever I do. And I think that pe...
ROBBIE WILLIAMS You want to see the boy next door?...(then) don't go see Michael Jackson, because he ain't the boy n...
SAMMY DAVIS, JR. You want to see the boy next door?...(then) don't go see Michael Jackson, because he ain't the boy n...
SAMMY DAVIS JR. I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star. If you want to see the girl next...
JOAN CRAWFORD Our next-door neighbour taught physics at Hampton University. Our church abounded with mathematician...
MARGOT LEE SHETTERLY When chasing a hare, you must have more than one greyhounds about you; when one of them has failed, ...
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN When the image of Nelson Mandela may be more familiar to us than the face of our next-door neighbour...
ANTHONY GIDDENS Every time hes supposed to be here, hes showed up,
BRENDA JONES Nobody wants to see a half-finished Vine.
MAISIE WILLIAMS Just then, a little hopped-up Japanese car zips up next to us. It’s bright yellow with loud, high-...
MICHAEL ZADOORIAN I was never the girl next door.
BETTIE PAGE I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor?
MOTHER TERESA I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor?
MOTHER TERESA OF CALCUTTA I'm the lady next door when I'm not on stage.
ARETHA FRANKLIN Here is a talk of the Turk and the Pope, but my next neighbour doth me more harm then either of the...
GEORGE HERBERT I may look like the girl next door, but you wouldn't want to live next door to me.
ELISABETH SHUE I always play the sweet girl next door.
TIFFANY DUPONT I'm the comedic girl next door and a lot of fun.
JENNY MCCARTHY What does it mean to be Catholic and not a Catholic? I feel adrift, homeless. My Catholic imaginatio...
JULIANNA BAGGOTT I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.
DOLLY PARTON My brother went to New Orleans when he was 19, ... Hes 72 now.
BARBARA UPTON People look at me, and I dress a little unusually and they think, 'Oh you must be from Californi...
HOWARD RHEINGOLD When you open the door which you shut in order to pray to God, the first person you meet as you go o...
SOREN KIERKEGAARD Oh, I gave some to my neighbor next door.
RUTH MAHL I'm the girl next door, not the sex symbol.
CARLA GALLO I can see him. With vine leaves in his hair.
HENRIK IBSEN So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flex...
TIM VINE So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.
TIM VINE Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwar...
TIM VINE Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
TIM VINE I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.
TIM VINE So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said ...
TIM VINE As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a ...
TIM VINE Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so ...
TIM VINE So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said ...
TIM VINE Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all...
TIM VINE I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.
TIM VINE I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about th...
TIM VINE I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.
TIM VINE People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I real...
TIM VINE So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a vo...
TIM VINE You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the wind...
TIM VINE So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends...
TIM VINE So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps i...
TIM VINE So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said "How flexible are you?"...
TIM VINE I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I...
TIM VINE If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doe...
TIM VINE If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.
TIM VINE For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life.
TIM VINE So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?&#...
TIM VINE Velcro: what a rip-off.
TIM VINE So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I&...
TIM VINE People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff ...
TIM VINE You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the wind...
TIM VINE One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there...
TIM VINE Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
TIM VINE You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoo...
TIM VINE I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
TIM VINE I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.
TIM VINE I am my nearest neighbour.
CORNELIUS TACITUS Britain is a Christian country. Next, is it Catholic or Protestant?
MUHAMMED HAIDER Are you a Scalia Catholic, a Brennan Catholic or a Kennedy Catholic?
DAVID YALOF Charity begins at home, and justice begins next door.
CHARLES DICKENS Today, if you ask, you may be the next out the door in the next layoffs.
JENNIFER OPENSHAW Today, if you ask, you may be the next out the door in the next layoffs,
JENNIFER OPENSHAW Love yourself as you love your neighbour. If you love your neighbour with a heavy heart, love yourse...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR I'm a God-fearing man who worships with my heart and with my life.
WILLIE STARGELL Clifton Anthony is a person I would want living next door to me, my daughters and my mom.
BARBARA HOLLAND You know what they say about boys next door...
JENNIFER L. ARMENTROUT The Umbrella

Ion Bulbuk has bought an umbrella.
“Knock-knock” – it is a neigh...
SPIRIDON VANGHELI My accountant worships me because I'm so cautious with my money.
SCOTT PATTERSON Tim turned to me and gasped: 'Wow, did you see that?' I then unleashed a rather expressive swear wor...
JOE CADDICK I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then h...
CRAIG FERGUSON Hes the smartest dog Ive ever had,
PETER GOULD Hes doing better than what we thought.
JAMIE KING I've lived next door to people all my life. I don't know how cute they think I am.
SANDRA BULLOCK I don't know what the next Pope is going to be like. I do know this, the Catholic laity all over the...
ANDREW GREELEY Unfortunately, the fate of catholic schools is a very indecisive one right now. Hopefully, in the ne...
LISA MANCUSO My first thought was something had punched a hole in the exhaust.
MARK MCCARTY Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go.
E. E. CUMMINGS Monica Seles: I'd hate to be next door to her on her wedding night.
PETER USTINOV I'm sick of very white teeth and lots of gymnasium practice. I'm bored, you know, send in th...
TIM ROTH I may be the girl next door, but you wouldn't want to live next to me.
ELISABETH SHUE Everyone says I'm like the girl next door... Y'all must have really weird neighbors!
KELLY CLARKSON I'm tired of being thought of as Miss Goody Two-Shoes... the girl next door, Miss Happy-Go-Lucky...
DORIS DAY I'm a character actress. I'm the girl next door, the aunt, the quirky cousin. You have to in...
FAITH PRINCE Everybody always says that I'm the girl next door, which makes me think that y'all must have...
KELLY CLARKSON You can love your neighbour, if you love God. For thy neighbour is part of brotherhood of the bond o...
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA If you're going to be a fucking rock star go be one. People don't want to see the guy next door on s...
LEMMY KILMISTER Tim: I shot my TV.
ERIC BOGOSIAN My first Vine I really just posted out of spontaneity.
SHAWN MENDES I think people are able to relate to my appearance. They think of me as the girl next door.
SAMANTHA RUTH PRABHU He struck his temples with his fists and screamed: 'Haven't you ever seen a goddam DC converter? You...
STEPHEN KING The Vine and the Goat A vine was luxuriant in the time of vintage with leaves and grapes. A Goat, p...
AESOP The wife's run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.
LES DAWSON I work in my attic, and the view is next door's chimney stack.
MALORIE BLACKMAN Be prepared for the worst, my love, for it lives next door to the best.
MELINA MARCHETTA You have to look at (sex) in the appropriate context. Because we are a Catholic university we tend t...
COURTNEY ADAMS

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So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flex...
TIM VINE So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.
TIM VINE Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwar...
TIM VINE Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
TIM VINE I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.
TIM VINE So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said ...
TIM VINE As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a ...
TIM VINE Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so ...
TIM VINE So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said ...
TIM VINE Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all...
TIM VINE I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.
TIM VINE I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about th...
TIM VINE I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.
TIM VINE People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I real...
TIM VINE So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a vo...
TIM VINE You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the wind...
TIM VINE So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends...
TIM VINE So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps i...
TIM VINE So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said "How flexible are you?"...
TIM VINE I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I...
TIM VINE If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doe...
TIM VINE If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.
TIM VINE For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life.
TIM VINE So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?&#...
TIM VINE Velcro: what a rip-off.
TIM VINE So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I&...
TIM VINE People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff ...
TIM VINE You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the wind...
TIM VINE One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there...
TIM VINE Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
TIM VINE You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoo...
TIM VINE I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
TIM VINE I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.
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VINE DELORIA, JR. Western civilization, unfortunately, does not link knowledge and morality but rather, it connects kn...
VINE DELORIA, JR. When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian...
VINE DELORIA, JR. Never has America lost a war ... But name, if you can, the last peace the United States won. Victory...
VINE DELORIA JR. Religion is for people who're afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for those who've already been...
VINE DELORIA JR. Until America begins to build a moral record in her dealings with the Indian people she should not t...
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TIM KAINE I try to be as real and honest about everything and very genuine with people and say, 'Listen, I...
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TIM COPE In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of c...
TIM ALLEN It turns out that people - in every country in the world, there's a segment of buyer that wants ...
TIM COOK I've known Harvey for over 40 years and I worked with him on the Burnett show for 11 years. I gu...
TIM CONWAY The reason 'The Carol Burnett Show' did so well in the ratings is because people were lookin...
TIM CONWAY As a small business owner for the last 15 years, when I think of what truly changed my life, it was ...
TIM SCOTT I predict after this whole thing is over, what we'll remember about the failed candidacy of Dona...
TIM KAINE I remember in '37 when trolley cars were so big in New York. It was five cents for a ride... The...
TINY TIM For people like me, who have blocked out a chunk of their past, you wonder - if you open that door, ...
TIM DALY I believe our health care system is in drastic need of innovative, patient-centered reforms that enc...
TIM GRIFFIN It's often hilarious to me that I'm writing about Tonga or some tropical place and there'...
TIM CAHILL The biggest blunder in the history of this country was when President Truman pulled General MacArthu...
TINY TIM The people I represent in Northeast Ohio and the tens of millions of workers across our country are ...
TIM RYAN Today, children are watching more and more television, and are bombarded over and over with images a...
TIM MURPHY The first thing I would do for anyone who's trying to lose body fat, for instance, would be to r...
TIM FERRISS I kind of struggled as a 10-year-old to make out what it meant that Martin Luther King and Bobby Ken...
TIM KAINE Necessity is the author of change
TIM HANSEL Right whales, for all their size, are surprisingly athletic. They roll, they slap their flukes, they...
TIM CAHILL By encouraging renewable energy sources such as wind energy, we boost South Dakota's economy and...
TIM JOHNSON I love drafting like I love eating ice cream or having sex; I love revising like I love doing logic ...
TIM PRATT The most important thing in my life is Christ. He's more important than winning or losing or whe...
TIM HOWARD To provide background and physical description and all the rest is of course vital to fiction, but v...
TIM O'BRIEN I like bothering people and stirring things up.
TIM DALY I always wondered how it would be to put on a Braves uniform and play in Atlanta.
TIM HUDSON Maybe these kids are just too young and too dumb to know about the first 13. Maybe they can't co...
TIM HUDSON Braves fans are one-of-a-kind. Your passion to win comes close to equaling that of the players that ...
TIM HUDSON I was a huge fan of Bobby Cox, a huge fan of Chipper Jones and John Smoltz. And just those guys, I g...
TIM HUDSON One thing that I learned is this - once a Braves fan, always a Braves fan. No matter what. And as a ...
TIM HUDSON When I was traded from the Oakland A's to the Atlanta Braves before the 2005 season, a childhood...
TIM HUDSON After 'Psychonauts,' we could have laid off half our team so that we'd have more money a...
TIM SCHAFER In the attic, a warhead no doubt burns. Everything is combustible. Faith burns. Trust burns. Everyth...
TIM O'BRIEN The human life is all one thing, like a blade tracing loops on the ice: a little kid, a twenty-three...
TIM O'BRIEN Just as the PC bled back into industrial economy, I think the Internet is going to bleed back into o...
TIM O'REILLY We’re not the Faster-than-the-Speed-of-Light Generation anymore. We’re not even the Next-New-Thi...
TIM THARP The path to wisdom is paved with humility.
TIM FARGO Her eyes were of different colors, the left as brown as autumn, the right as gray as Atlantic wind. ...
TIM WILLOCKS Happiness grows best in the soil of contentment.
TIM FARGO Your friends will believe in your potential, your enemies will make you live up to it.
TIM FARGO One person's craziness is another person's reality.
TIM BURTON Sometimes we can't see the relevance of Jesus Christ until we become dissatisfied with the world and...
TIM CRAWSHAW Who you are tomorrow begins with what you do today.
TIM FARGO I feel the need to endanger myself every so often.
TIM DALY Besides, it doesn't matter if it's real. It never does with dreams. They aren't anything anyway but ...
TIM THARP It's superb to be out in the early, early morning before the sun comes up. There's this sense of bei...
TIM THARP We all know interspecies romance is weird.
TIM BURTON Forget those things that aren't worth remembering.
TIM FOLEY I've been promoted to middle management. I never thought I'd sink so low.
TIM GOULD Let us live for the beauty of our own reality.
TIM ROBBINS Good habits are as easy to form as bad ones.
TIM MCCARVER I grew up in New York, and I have that in me, that be-honest-at-all-costs, don't b.s. me attitude. I...
TIM ROBBINS Necessity is the author of change.
TIM HANSEL When we were growing up and saw a Ray Harryhausen movie, we were interested in how it was done. But ...
TIM BURTON Telling lies does not work in advertising.
TIM BELL Anyone who has lost track of time when using a computer knows the propensity to dream, the urge to m...
TIM BERNERS I believe that treating other people well is a lost art.
TIM GUNN Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is look...
TIM BURTON A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles
TIM CAHILL I hate them with all the hate you can hate with. Can you hate more than that? If you can, I hate the...
TIM HARDAWAY I'm surrounded by nothing but great people. I've been blessed with that, so really, I've...
TIM DUNCAN I was an All-American in wrestling in high school, was National Champion in Chinese kickboxing in 19...
TIM FERRISS I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
TIM ALLEN Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good l...
TIM ALLEN In 1968, I left Cambridge and went to work in New York with Irving M. London, who was then the chair...
TIM HUNT Democrats must adopt a progressive economic message that focuses on large, direct infrastructure inv...
TIM RYAN The philosophical point is that our happiness and wellbeing is not based on incomes rising. This is ...
TIM JACKSON A picture of me as this super affable sales guy gets painted, but in actuality, I'm pretty drive...
TIM ARMSTRONG I believe that everyone, regardless of who they are, should do something that is greater than themse...
TIM TEBOW I am living out my adolescent dream of travel and adventure.
TIM CAHILL The community of developers whose work you see on the Web, who probably don't know what ADO or U...
TIM BRAY Amtrak offers riders a cost-effective way to travel throughout the country.
TIM BISHOP A healthy Amtrak is an integral part of New York and the Nation's economy and transportation sys...
TIM BISHOP As a personal beneficiary of the service that Amtrak provides and as someone who represents a congre...
TIM BISHOP Life is never all one thing. It bounces around. Certainly, my own life has. Look at Woody Allen'...
TIM O'BRIEN I'm not perfect. And who knows how many times I've fallen short. We all fall short. That'...
TIM TEBOW When under siege, if we do not stand for our liberties and for the liberties of those who are unable...
TIM HUELSKAMP The American economy has always been the innovator in the world, and we're starting to see some ...
TIM KAINE The supermarket chain Whole Foods has quite a radical employee empowerment program, where employees ...
TIM HARFORD Novelty is adaptive when things are changing and you need to adapt yourself. Tradition is essential ...
TIM JACKSON I learned much more about acting from philosophy courses, psychology courses, history and anthropolo...
TIM ROBBINS While I am talking about private sector job creation, the cap-and-trade energy tax, Speaker Pelosi&#...
TIM GRIFFIN It is the accuracy and detail inherent in crafted goods that endows them with lasting value. It is t...
TIM JACKSON If women are not accorded equal place in the leadership of the Catholic Church and the other great w...
TIM KAINE If we don't figure out a way to create equity, real equity, of opportunity and access, to good s...
TIM WISE Everyone has a best feature, so find clothes and accessories to accentuate those, whether it's y...
TIM GUNN Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station...
TIM ALLEN If you told me when I was a teen that I would end up being a teacher, I would have said you're o...
TIM GUNN I had this wonderful career and thought I would retire as a teacher.
TIM GUNN I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adama...
TIM ALLEN Thank God for acupuncture. It's been around for 2000 years. It's not going anyplace and peop...
TIM DALY My dad was a great business guy, and he always taught us that his business acumen would put his work...
TIM KAINE In Hollywood, they think drawn animation doesn't work anymore, computers are the way. They forge...
TIM BURTON Perhaps most important for nomads was the belief in the symbiosis that existed between wolf and huma...
TIM COPE I pray to start my day and finish it in prayer. I'm just thankful for everything, all the blessi...
TIM TEBOW I'm just thankful for everything, all the blessings in my life, trying to stay that way. I think...
TIM TEBOW I think life is sacred, whether it's abortion or the death penalty.
TIM KAINE A bullet can kill the enemy, but a bullet can also produce an enemy, depending on whom that bullet s...
TIM O'BRIEN I hate when people don't keep their word or they are late. Tardiness is a big pet peeve of mine.
TIM HUDSON The Holocaust illustrates the consequences of prejudice, racism and stereotyping on a society. It fo...
TIM HOLDEN Until the company believes in itself, AOL didn't have its own space and identity in the marketpl...
TIM ARMSTRONG The idea was to study fertilization in as many different phyla and organisms as possible, using the ...
TIM HUNT Everyone is going to binge on a diet, for instance, so plan for it, schedule it, and contain the dam...
TIM FERRISS People love to talk about the old bipartisanship. But it wasn't really bipartisanship. Yeah, the...
TIM GRIFFIN Working on 'Nightmare Before Christmas,' I had endless arguments, like the studio saying, &#...
TIM BURTON I love getting on the subway because you get on the car, and you see the entire human race represent...
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TIM O'REILLY My original business model - I actually wrote this down - was 'interesting work for interesting ...
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TIM O'REILLY We often get blinded by the forms in which content is produced, rather than the job that the content...
TIM O'REILLY This whole idea of visibility by the public creates a pretty powerful lever. In the new transparency...
TIM O'REILLY Empowerment of individuals is a key part of what makes open source work, since in the end, innovatio...
TIM O'REILLY What new technology does is create new opportunities to do a job that customers want done.
TIM O'REILLY I started to do stop-motion when I was a kid. You take a Super 8 and make some models, and move, cli...
TIM BURTON