FastSaying

There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil Spector.' But even those guys, while insightful and amusing, aren't exactly funny.


Ellie Kemper

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The Beatles, the Rolling Stones and Phil Spector. Those were my idols.
BRIAN WILSON I never had a particular sound. There was no Lou Adler sound like there's a Phil Spector sound. ...
LOU ADLER I can tell you that you will have your hearts broken more by the people you love than by the people ...
MARGARET PETERSON HADDIX The Phil Spector that I would meet has always been a nice, quiet, little guy who's very serious ...
BEN E. KING It's kind of like I'm Phil Spector, and I'm forcing a young girl to make pop music and p...
GRIMES Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill
JUDE WATSON Let's head out to the ruins." - Dan Cahill
ROLAND SMITH You just have to find a lawyer that won't let you sign certain things - and I mean the fine prin...
DARLENE LOVE It looks ancient," - Amy Cahill
JUDE WATSON It SMELLS ancient," - Dan Cahill
JUDE WATSON Palm trees were fanned by a warm, light breeze, and they rolled down their windows to smell the sea.
JUDE WATSON About f-f-ace!" she said to the horse, flailing with her boots. "Into the barn, please. It's time fo...
PETER LERANGIS You see?" Damien leaned over his desk and spread out half a dozen charcoal sketches. "These are only...
RICK RIORDAN There's something that's sexy about a guy who has the strength to kill somebody, but is also...
EVAN PETERS I think, for a long time, people thought I was a figment of Phil Spector's imagination because t...
DARLENE LOVE I think there are different kinds of comedians, and I prefer the clowns who are going: 'I'm ...
MIRANDA HART I'm still a big 'Grey's Anatomy' fan.
BROOKE ELLIOTT I used to watch 'Grey's Anatomy' pretty religiously.
ERINN HAYES There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not goi...
WENDY COPE Skipp and Spector's 'Books of the Dead' were huge influences on me as a writer.
CULLEN BUNN I've got a few ideas," (Amy) admitted. "But I don't know where we're going in the long term. I mean ...
RICK RIORDAN Alas, I think I am becoming a god.
TITUS Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name.
LUCAN I have a wife, I have sons: all of them hostages given to fate.
LUCAN Spector is a good guy, but he's a nut. Ha, ha, ha! You know, I love him, but he's unpredicta...
IKE TURNER There are female artists I can look at that I find more in common with than the male artists, becaus...
ADAM LAMBERT When I came back to California in the early '60s I was hanging out with Jimmy Bowen, Phil Specto...
JOHNNY RIVERS There's guys like me who aren't going to the theater, so distributors are leaving money on t...
DANA BRUNETTI Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even fun...
JOE ROGAN There's a lot of complacency in philanthropy. People figure organizations are trying to do good,...
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ I'm Phil Knight, and I don't believe in advertising.
PHIL KNIGHT Don't have to see," the pilot grunted. "Olga knows the way."
"Funny name for an aircraft...
GORDON KORMAN I am so thankful for the genius of Phil Spector, for his recognition of my talent to be the main voi...
DARLENE LOVE Yes, some women are funny. No, some women aren't funny. It's similar to how some women are t...
ELLIE KEMPER Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
SENECA Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.
SENECA We never reflect how pleasant it is to ask for nothing.
SENECA Just as I shall select my ship when I am about to go on a voyage, or my house when I propose to take...
SENECA Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life.
SENECA Luck is where opportunity meets preparation.
SENECA Friendship always benefits; love sometimes injures.
SENECA I always find Victoria's Secret models a bit weird.
EDIE CAMPBELL I tend to head for what's amusing because a lot of things aren't happy. But usually you can ...
MAGGIE SMITH Criminals are never very amusing. It's because they're failures. Those who make real money a...
ORSON WELLES That's what's great about baseball: some people are exceptional at the game, but still, even...
TOM GUIRY It's funny, oftentimes the really great roles that I enjoy are in classic plays, and there aren&...
LAILA ROBINS There just aren't many little guys who are good actors. They don't get the training; they do...
KENNY BAKER I know somebody from university who's called Phil Collins, and I think there's something ter...
DAVID WALLIAMS It's really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, 'I usu...
CHELSEA PERETTI There's innovation in Linux. There are some really good technical features that I'm proud of...
LINUS TORVALDS There are so few women in general who aren't completely threatened and confused by other women&#...
SANDRA BERNHARD The blues is played everywhere. There's no place I've been where they don't have blues o...
TAJ MAHAL 'Saturday Night Live' is a very particular beast. What it celebrates are individuals who can...
CHRIS PARNELL It's a real man who can go out with a woman who's taller than he is. That's an alpha mal...
MIRANDA HART I think of all the things that I've gotten to do, all the wonderful people that I've played ...
PAUL SHAFFER Some people are really proud of me, and some don't like it. I don't really know what to tell...
BRYSON TILLER Some days, I'd feel better with Punxsutawney Phil in the Oval Office - at least he doesn't l...
MOLLY IVINS I'm proud to say that I was that guy playing the character of Dr. Burke on 'Grey's Anato...
ISAIAH WASHINGTON You can't get big in hockey. You need to be pliable... they've even taken fighting out of th...
BRETT HULL I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't ...
PATRICK NESS Children will be children, and they're inquisitive. If teenagers want to know what's out the...
KEELEY HAWES With some CGI, I think the brain slightly perceives that things aren't real. There's no grav...
NICK PARK Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
JAMES LIPTON It just so happens that people aren't doing comedy about abortion or cannibalism or waterboardin...
ROB MCELHENNEY There are a lot of guys who play in the NBA. There aren't a lot of guys who have a chance to win...
JAMES HARDEN I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians....
STEVE MARTIN Players aren't quite as mercenary as people make them out to be. Some of them are but some aren&...
DAVID GILL You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln...
AL FRANKEN There aren't that many female role models in science. There are a couple of women, but mostly yo...
ELISE ANDREW I don't do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil's show. He's a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn...
RON WHITE Some of my fans don't really like it when I respond to people who say things that are trying to ...
RICKIE FOWLER Some people say I'm unique, that there aren't other people with schizophrenia like me. Well,...
ELYN SAKS It's absolutely wrong that I don't want guys to challenge me. And the people who say that ar...
MICHAEL JORDAN If there's one theme in all my work, it's about authenticity and self-expression. It's t...
BERNARD WILLIAMS Some people think that there aren't many Aboriginal actors around, and if there are, they're...
DEBORAH MAILMAN There's no place in the world you can go and not hear rock-and-roll, from Michael Jackson and St...
AHMET ERTEGUN I'm not interested in being one of those comedians who wants to look good and be this 'cool&...
CHRIS LILLEY Before 'Grey's Anatomy,' I was doing musicals, plays, commercials, you name it.
CHANDRA WILSON You re-watch 'Napoleon Dynamite', and there's a lot of thrift shopping that goes on in t...
AL MADRIGAL Throughout my career I've played a lot of parts that might've been played by a man. They'...
EDIE FALCO Those people who shun us just because of the label we're on, or the fact that we've got a vi...
JOEL MADDEN I'm happy to say that I'm a lesbian in the world. I know there are people who don't want...
KATE CLINTON I've always had a soft spot for Phil Collins. He's a great vocalist.
BEN GIBBARD There's lots of things that can't make it in the world that are worth making. There are lots...
DANA SPIOTTA Most people who make threats don't follow through. The most dangerous people are often those who...
SUSAN ESTRICH I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he&...
NORM MACDONALD Some white people are privileged, some aren't. Some black people are, some aren't. It's ...
TUCKER CARLSON People are thrown off by someone who looks feminine, but is also strong. It's not that pretty gi...
PADMA LAKSHMI I believe there's - now, don't get me wrong; I'm not prejudiced - there's some white...
CHARLIE SIFFORD Yes, President Abraham Lincoln was a Republican, but a hundred years later, the Republican Party was...
DONNA BRAZILE I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who cr...
MARION BARRY Comedians and impressionists used to be two different showbiz animals entirely, but now there's ...
JOHN PODHORETZ The importance of satire is bringing more people to the table. There are a lot of average citizens w...
BASSEM YOUSSEF There's so many, 'no, black people aren't like that' barriers in mainstream media.
ISSA RAE For those who don't like Dave Letterman, there's Jay Leno; and for those who like neither, t...
TOM SHALES While 'The Middle' is still funny for adults to watch, there aren't sex jokes. And I'...
NEIL FLYNN There is such a suspicion in today's world of people who do more than one thing, who aren't ...
ESA-PEKKA SALONEN Ava DuVernay is my personal Phil Jackson. She's a perfect coach.
OMAR DORSEY My roomate at 'Harvey' is this guy Morgan Spector, an actor in town, and I've taught him...
RICH SOMMER What's interesting about Laurel and Hardy is that in most comedy teams, there's a straight m...
CHRISTOPHER GUEST

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