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How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?


Jay Leno

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As successful as Jay Leno is, Jay Leno hosting the Today' show wouldn't work.
BRUCE DUMONT The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.
ANGIE HARMON I think Jay Leno is fantastic.
BRIAN L. ROBERTS Jay Leno is wonderful and a good friend, but it will always be the Carson show to a lot of people.
BURT REYNOLDS Jay (Leno) is wonderful and a good friend, but it will always be the Carson show to a lot of people.
BURT REYNOLDS I did standup comedy. I opened once for Jay Leno.
ALAN COLMES If we only stopped to listen to them for a few minutes, kids could tell us that we move too fast, fo...
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON The first quarter our girls did everything right and we were only down by one. After that, for some ...
JOE MYERS We discovered that if your friend's friend's friend gained weight, you gained weight. We discovered ...
NICHOLAS A. CHRISTAKIS I wonder how long it would take for anyone to notice if I just stopped talking.
LAURIE HALSE ANDERSON Jay Leno is not a guy who likes change. He eats the same food every day.
TED ALLEN If we discovered we only had five minutes left to say all we wanted to say, every telephone booth wo...
SOURCE UNKNOWN I am a big car enthusiast. I totally understand guys like Jay Leno who have a thousand cars. But ask...
CASEY JAMES Stephen Colbert has such a loyal following; I don't know if it's the same with Jay Leno; he ...
LISA HANNIGAN If we discovered that we only had five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every telephon...
CHRISTOPHER MORLEY NBC's priorities are Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno, and then there's me.
CARSON DALY What happens if aliens take over and their leader is actualy Michael Jackson, we all suffer
BOBMCFRANK MCONALD Aliens didn't come down to Earth and give us technology. We invented it ourselves. Therefore it ...
DOUGLAS COUPLAND If we all discovered that we only had five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every tele...
CHRISTOPHER MORLEY If we discovered that we had only five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every telephon...
CHRISTOPHER MORLEY We must have infinite faith in each other. If we have not, we must never let it leak out that we h...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU We must have infinite faith in each other. If we have not, we must never let it leak out that we hav...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU We have no idea if there really are aliens. The next question would be, If there are aliens, can we ...
BRUCE BETTS How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about peopl...
STEVE MARABOLI Most adults don't know what we do here - let alone kids. It really opens their eyes, and it teaches ...
CHERYL POWERS How would your life be different if…You stopped focusing on what you didn’t want and started foc...
STEVE MARABOLI Jay has done nothing to lose the job. Now the job is open, and it would be a surprise if Jay won the...
BRIAN LEVY If we could have the ability to change the past and right our wrongs would it make us learn from any...
GARY F EVANS... To be in a time of technological change and advancement is an awesome thought indeed as long as it i...
GARY F EVANS... It would be great, even if was only for a day, to be in the national spotlight. I knew when I came h...
JUSTIN DAVIS Would anyone advocate that we take the fences off the playground for elementary schools and just let...
TOM HARKIN I tell kids to pursue their basketball dreams, but I tell them to not let that be their only dream.
KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR We have looked into the general problems with adoption in the United States, and we discovered - on ...
SERGEI LAVROV Gravity is something that people take for granted ,but you would not no that it was generated by the...
GARY F EVANS... Destiny is the only ship that will never sink, even if it has a leak.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO I do remember that first night. We attempted to fill the pool and discovered it had a leak. I think ...
HOPE DAVIS I did Jay Leno with Mike the Situation, and he just - he lives, like, ten minutes from me in Jersey....
QUEEN LATIFAH Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
BILL ENGVALL I'm good friends with Jay Leno, good friends with Ed O'Neill, Melanie Fiona and Russell Simm...
KEVIN HART Americans who read the papers or watch Jay Leno have been aware for some time now that there is a sl...
RUSTY SCHWEICKART The written word is the only anchor we have in life. How extraordinary would it be if we had even th...
RANDY WAYNE WHITE How wild it was, to let it be.
T. S. ELIOT When we are ready to let go of our old controls, we admit that we were powerless over the incest or ...
MAUREEN BRADY Sometimes in golf I've got 10,000 people watching me. Cameras are easy. Doing the Jay Leno show ...
MATT KUCHAR I think anybody would have to be with out common sense to think there weren't aliens. There are ...
SABRINA LLOYD It's sort of what jazz would be if it stopped being snobby and what rock would be if it stopped ...
ANDY PARTRIDGE If you don't like how things turn out to be, do something about it. -Jay Vin Foong
JAY VIN FOONG If an earth with no other creatures but only humans would be possible, it would be unbearably boring...
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN Undocumented aliens unfortunately are not protected by the law, and they are tremendously subjected ...
RUTH BADER GINSBURG With the DVR, I was mostly writing about it as a good thing in giving us the choice of when and how ...
DOUGLAS RUSHKOFF I've been on 'Jay Leno,' and everyone likes Jay, but being on that show is a really bori...
HENRY ROLLINS I think if we ever encountered aliens, even communicating with them would be really, really difficul...
DAVID S. GOYER It would take an extremely large spacecraft to deflect a large asteroid that would be headed directl...
RUSTY SCHWEICKART I think if Democrats would take a good look at it (the overall health spending package), a lot of De...
CHARLES GRASSLEY For those who don't like Dave Letterman, there's Jay Leno; and for those who like neither, t...
TOM SHALES He's secretive by nature. It's a dumb thing for officials to do, especially someone as experienced a...
LARRY SABATO We have to prioritize our mission _ to go after the highest priority _ and that would be criminal al...
CARL RUSNOK I believe in aliens. I think it would be way too selfish of us as mankind to believe we are the only...
DEMI LOVATO It's a morbid observation, but if every one on earth just stopped breathing for an hour, the greenho...
JERRY ADLER I've performed on 'The Tonight Show' with both Johnny Carson and Jay Leno, but not at th...
THOMAS F. WILSON How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the...
STEVE MARABOLI As leakers take great risks in releasing information, assuring them that they are not sacrificing th...
EVGENY MOROZOV It would be a sad day if we British stopped being cynical, but you sometimes wonder whether we overd...
BORIS JOHNSON How would your life be different if...you had a plan of action towards your goals? Let today be the ...
STEVE MARABOLI I wonder how much it would take to buy a soap bubble, if there were only one in the world.
MARK TWAIN How would your life be different if…You stopped worrying about things you can’t control and star...
STEVE MARABOLI We have a lot of tough cases that come along, some involving young kids on their own trying to get a...
BOB EVANS If Antarctica were music it would be Mozart. Art, and it would be Michelangelo. Literature, and it w...
ANDREW DENTON A week later, President Bush said his administration's response to Katrina was unacceptable. Then he...
JAY LENO How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day...
STEVE MARABOLI The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens....
ELLEN DEGENERES Imagine if we had privatized Social Security, and all these people had $50,000 or $100,000 in their ...
WILLIAM GALE It hurts. It would be lying to say it didn't. But what these kids have accomplished has been unparal...
BRAD BARTON By freezing payments at 2005 rates, the House has stopped a planned 4.4 percent payment reduction th...
EDWARD HILL ...they discovered only a small asteroid inhabited by a solitary old man who claimed repeatedly that...
DOUGLAS ADAMS I would love to be at their level number of student-wise. Normally we only dress 21 or 22 kids.
ANDY HUBBARD ...whenever it is necessary that one of several conflicting opinions should prevail and when one wou...
F.A. HAYEK Kids do their own thing. We let them be real kids. You get an immediate response - if they don't...
GLOZELL It is a privilege to exist, it is a privilege to live and all this made possible by our Earth, our b...
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN It was something that if we practiced well the first couple days down here we knew this was going to...
BRET BIELEMA About the only things that are unique to Earth are our biota and our culture. If aliens ever come he...
SETH SHOSTAK This means a lot. We came through some dark days to get here. The kids never stopped practicing hard...
BRANDON AMBROSE If your kids want to paint their bedrooms, as a favor to me, let 'em do it.
RANDY PAUSCH I would hesitate to speculate on how long that would take, because I just don't know how much follow...
RON DEHAVEN Let's just cut a live record with three microphones in four days and talk about lizards and alie...
STURGILL SIMPSON If human life were long enough to find the ultimate theory, everything would have been solved by pre...
STEPHEN HAWKING It was called the Backstreet Market, and it was just like a local hangout. That was where the kids w...
KEVIN RICHARDSON The meek shall inherit the earth? Well... I don't think so. If by meek you mean friendly and introve...
JIM COUDAL It's time we stopped ignoring the environment. Let's not let another election go by without ...
DAVID SUZUKI Stopping illegal immigration would mean that wages would have to rise to a level where Americans wou...
THOMAS SOWELL They all think the nuttier they are, the more likely they are to get on David Letterman or Jay Leno,...
BOOMER ESIASON He's the master, ... It's admirable. I watch him with my mouth open and think, 'How does he do it?' ...
STEPHEN COLBERT We need to be discussing issues specifically to help the American people. And that would not include...
JOE WILSON The heavy disappointment of 'How can this happen again?' was hard. But if we had to live the future ...
BOB PACK Heath is not a public kind of guy and this has been rough for him. He has had to go on Oprah Winfrey...
TERRY GILLIAM I mean, we must act with intelligence. We must work on this framework, so that immigration becomes a...
VICENTE FOX If we would guide by the light of reason we must let our minds be bold.
LOUIS BRANDEIS If we would guide by the light of reason we must let our minds be bold.
LOUIS D. BRANDEIS Hasn’t stopped us before. And besides, if they wanted to kill us, we’d be dead by now and would ...
MARIA V. SNYDER My job is to let you know how to think about evidence that has been discovered,
KEITH INMAN

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JAY LENO I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good?Maybe you're ...
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JAY LENO Beverly Hills.
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JAY LENO There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, ...
JAY LENO The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a we...
JAY LENO The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' ...
JAY LENO Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of...
JAY LENO Politics is just show business for ugly people.
JAY LENO A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, ...
JAY LENO My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?
JAY LENO Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back togethe...
JAY LENO With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tea...
JAY LENO I was reading in the paper today that Congress wants to replace the dollar bill with a coin. They’...
JAY LENO Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But t...
JAY LENO has failed his test of leadership and missed an historic opportunity to stand up for the basic civil...
MARK LENO Society is strongest when it upholds the basic civil rights of all its citizens, including the right...
MARK LENO We're an American Legion post, so we're emphasizing the red, white and blue. But we're also using la...
MARK LENO Ah! What is man? Wherefore does he why? Whence did he whence? Whither is he withering?
DAN LENO Do what we know is in our hearts, ... Make sure all California families will have the same protectio...
MARK LENO It's a significant accomplishment. It was a thing of beauty,
MARK LENO He was resolute in his leadership, ... He always said civil rights is civil rights.
MARK LENO When you set aside all the emotion and hyperbole and drama surrounding this bill, it comes down to s...
MARK LENO I couldn't do anything but keep going. It says something for being a little bit tenacious,
MARK LENO We think it'll be tomorrow or Thursday, ... We want to make sure we have a full house of Democrats, ...
MARK LENO I trust that my colleagues are searching their hearts and reading the constitution as they decide th...
MARK LENO We are so very close, ... It would be very disappointing for this body not to be able to stand up fo...
MARK LENO It's just the beginning.
MARK LENO I think there's a better way to approach many of these issues,
MARK LENO It's unfortunate for the Republicans to say if we don't see it their way, we're soft on crime or sup...
MARK LENO No legislative body has ever passed such a measure. It would be historic,
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MARK LENO They are considered no different than married couples with regards to responsibility for children,
MARK LENO No. 1, the crime would not have occurred. And the brutality would not have been (as bad) as it was. ...
MARK LENO He cannot claim to support fair and equal legal protections for same-sex couples, ... and veto the v...
MARK LENO Allowing same-sex couples to access one another's health care plans, make joint medical decisions, i...
MARK LENO The Legislature has done the hard work of picking up the issue of the day, holding public hearings, ...
MARK LENO The issue doesn't go away, ... Support will only increase. The more the public hears about same-sex ...
MARK LENO Margita Thompson has said all kinds of things in the past that have proven not to be true, ... I wil...
MARK LENO It would be highly unusual and a direct insult to the proponents of this bill and the many millions ...
MARK LENO He cannot veto the bill until it gets to his desk, ... It may not get there for a couple more weeks ...
MARK LENO [After first ducking the issue on Wednesday, Schwarzenegger surprised lawmakers with his statement.]...
MARK LENO I believe this is a governor who is a libertarian,
MARK LENO Today represents another milestone toward the fulfillment of the American dream for thousands of les...
MARK LENO Do what we know is in our hearts, ... Make sure all Californians, all California's children and fami...
MARK LENO I believe this is a governor who at his core is a libertarian on issues of social matters, ... and t...
MARK LENO The moment I started reading, I was no longer in my bedroom, no longer sad, no longer even myself.
KATRINA LENO It's what everybody is waiting for. Everybody is excited about the World Cup and I hope it gets thin...
LENO RIVERA