Jessica Seinfeld quote: "My Nike Free sneakers add a splash of color and slide on fast, perfect for when I'm rushing to catch the school bus. And my favorite cargos are skinny but stretchy, so I can go up or down a few pounds and they still fit!"

How many people have had starter marriages? For some reason, mine really offends people.
JESSICA SEINFELD

I had three jobs in college. The best day of my life was when I paid off my student loans, on my own...
JESSICA SEINFELD

I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their...
JERRY SEINFELD

The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. Y...
JERRY SEINFELD

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
JERRY SEINFELD

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess ...
JERRY SEINFELD

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the othe...
JERRY SEINFELD

I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...
Not easy. There's an ent...
JERRY SEINFELD

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death i...
JERRY SEINFELD

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits th...
JERRY SEINFELD

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
JERRY SEINFELD

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fit...
JERRY SEINFELD

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if...
JERRY SEINFELD

When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It reall...
JERRY SEINFELD

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
JERRY SEINFELD

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
JERRY SEINFELD

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
JERRY SEINFELD

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
JERRY SEINFELD

I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
JERRY SEINFELD

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
JERRY SEINFELD

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on...
JERRY SEINFELD

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I...
JERRY SEINFELD

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
JERRY SEINFELD

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and...
JERRY SEINFELD

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
JERRY SEINFELD

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
JERRY SEINFELD

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
JERRY SEINFELD

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers...
JERRY SEINFELD

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
JERRY SEINFELD

My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time.
JERRY SEINFELD

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to s...
JERRY SEINFELD

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sle...
JERRY SEINFELD

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
JERRY SEINFELD

I have this old '57 Porsche Speedster, and the way the door closes, I'll just sit there and ...
JERRY SEINFELD

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cra...
JERRY SEINFELD

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even ca...
JERRY SEINFELD

Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.
JERRY SEINFELD

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.
JERRY SEINFELD

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
JERRY SEINFELD

We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for ...
JERRY SEINFELD

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on whe...
JERRY SEINFELD

There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."
JERRY SEINFELD

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
JERRY SEINFELD

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you&...
JERRY SEINFELD

You want to do good things, and once you've done a couple of good things in a row, you think ...
JERRY SEINFELD

When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you'r...
JERRY SEINFELD

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
JERRY SEINFELD

I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert...
JERRY SEINFELD

If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an i...
JERRY SEINFELD

When I was a comic in the 1980s, I was on the road somewhere every day, and I'd get back to the ...
JERRY SEINFELD

I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know mo...
JERRY SEINFELD

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
JERRY SEINFELD

There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hi...
JERRY SEINFELD

I'm really enjoying this, ... Could this be a weekly series?
JERRY SEINFELD

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
JERRY SEINFELD

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blo...
JERRY SEINFELD

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know...
JERRY SEINFELD

We're just cheering for laundry!
JERRY SEINFELD

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason
JERRY SEINFELD

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
JERRY SEINFELD

A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
JERRY SEINFELD

I don't wanna be a Pirate!!!!
JERRY SEINFELD

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men...
JERRY SEINFELD

50 Greatest Shows of All Time.
JERRY SEINFELD

Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic,
JERRY SEINFELD

We were somewhat unsupervised. The audience was there and the network is not going to complain if ev...
JERRY SEINFELD

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fi...
JERRY SEINFELD

The article said that since the Upper West Side lost Charivari (an expensive clothing retailer) and ...
JERRY SEINFELD

stinking from smoked salmon and covered in grass stains from playing in the park, (they) are not goi...
JERRY SEINFELD

But after they settle in you've still got to be funny, because for an hour just the fact they get to...
JERRY SEINFELD

The reactions of audiences are interesting,
JERRY SEINFELD

I became aware of autism through some friends who are dealing with it and it is heartbreaking. I wan...
JERRY SEINFELD

The show had an intense comedic energy that you do not find on other shows. There's an intense comed...
JERRY SEINFELD

It really was written and geared for a very specific audience, but our comedic strength trumps all o...
JERRY SEINFELD

A thought occurred to me,
JERRY SEINFELD

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me
JERRY SEINFELD

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
JERRY SEINFELD

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty...
JERRY SEINFELD

No, he wont understand! People with guns don't understand! That's why they have guns... to many misu...
JERRY SEINFELD

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers...
JERRY SEINFELD

I had 10,000 things that I like doing on the show itself, and certainly among them was telling Georg...
JERRY SEINFELD

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to
JERRY SEINFELD

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
JERRY SEINFELD

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
JERRY SEINFELD

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you'...
JERRY SEINFELD

where's Kramer?
JERRY SEINFELD

Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, ...
JERRY SEINFELD

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
JERRY SEINFELD

I think of myself more as a sportsman than I do an artist.
JERRY SEINFELD

Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success.
JERRY SEINFELD

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sens...
JERRY SEINFELD

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public....
JERRY SEINFELD

You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
JERRY SEINFELD

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date a...
JERRY SEINFELD

No soup for you
JERRY SEINFELD

You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to...
JERRY SEINFELD

When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
JERRY SEINFELD

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. ...
JERRY SEINFELD

And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
JERRY SEINFELD

The best revenge is living well.
JERRY SEINFELD

Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behin...
JERRY SEINFELD

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world...
JERRY SEINFELD

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing l...
JERRY SEINFELD

If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELD

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty...
JERRY SEINFELD

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you'...
JERRY SEINFELD

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
JERRY SEINFELD

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out ever...
JERRY SEINFELD

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of physical evidence we have that people are still thinking.
JERRY SEINFELD

It's quite funny in that I once won Rear of the Year at my school! I was about 17 in the sixth f...
JESSICA ENNIS

I live a healthy lifestyle and I crave healthy food. I love porridge - I have bizarre cravings for i...
JESSICA LOWNDES

It's not fair that women look in the mirror and feel disgust because of what society has made th...
JESSICA SIMPSON

My personal style is kind of tomboy-boho chic! Sort of funky but simple.
JESSICA SZOHR

I hope that by modeling feminism in my own life, work and relationships that it will haut become an ...
JESSICA VALENTI

Working with Bryan Cranston on 'Breaking Bad' has been totally thrilling because he is so cl...
JESSICA HECHT

Life is not simple, and people can't be boxed into being either heroes or villains.
JESSICA HAGEDORN

In my own eyes, I could only see how ridiculous I looked. How typical white-girl-goes-to-Africa. But...
JESSICA POSNER

I help out at Tall Trees, which my aunt set up on the Central Coast. It's where intellectually i...
JESSICA MCNAMEE

I would love for the time to come where somebody can talk about me and not have to talk about Britne...
JESSICA SIMPSON

Some days I'll be like, 'I didn't do anything great today,' and I'll be bummed. ...
JESSICA WILLIAMS

Everyone has areas they're not comfortable with, and mine are my bum, thighs, and legs.
JESSICA BIEL

Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?
JESSICA SIMPSON

Well I think any designer that can understand what people need to be wearing right now is the bigges...
JESSICA SIMPSON

I can talk to my dad like he's my manager, and put 'Dad' on the back burner. We've b...
JESSICA SIMPSON

My natural gravitation is toward the gray and the black and the white and the burgundy. Sort of mute...
JESSICA PARE

The most important event I covered was the Panama Canal debate, which dragged on for months.
JESSICA SAVITCH

It's been fascinating working on a set in New York. Just to be in the thick of it is really inte...
JESSICA COLLINS

I'm looking forward to playing the meatier roles you get in your 30s. The early 20s can be a har...
JESSICA MARAIS

I can't get enough of London! I love all the picnic benches, the old-school phone booths and par...
JESSICA LOWNDES

I don't want to be in my car all day. I love getting up in the morning in Venice and walking my ...
JESSICA CHASTAIN

I like to sing around the bonfire, in my car and in the shower.
JESSICA PARE

I'm such a blonde. It just doesn't make sense for me to have dark hair.
JESSICA SIMPSON

Once I started on 'Frances' I discovered it was literally a bottomless well. It devastated m...
JESSICA LANGE

I didn't want to have braces when I was a kid and I'm pretty sure my dad didn't want to ...
JESSICA PARE

I don't like to try very hard. Most of the time it's just jeans, a T-shirt and Converse trai...
JESSICA HART

I'm big-busted... I can't always wear the cutest bras, and it makes me so mad.
JESSICA SIMPSON

I grew up in Long Island City. When I was growing up, my parents owned a women's clothing store ...
JESSICA VALENTI

Bra-burning never happened. It was completely made up by the media. A couple of women protesting a M...
JESSICA VALENTI

I love 'Gossip Girl.' I used to hang out with Blake Lively and Jessica Szohr. I'm also a...
JESSICA STROUP

The Kardashians are walking clickbait - but let's look closer. Do Kim and Kanye affect how socie...
JESSICA WILLIAMS

When I started blogging in 2004, I responded to every comment no matter how nasty the reader was. I ...
JESSICA VALENTI

Everyone should have a blog. It's the most democratic thing ever.
JESSICA CUTLER

..the hope I have for women: that we can start to see ourselves-and encourage men to see us-as more ...
JESSICA VALENTI

You clumsy wench—Gods above! Are you trying to rob me, girl?” The nobleman seizes my wrist and y...
JESSICA KHOURY

What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now.
You’re probab...
JESSICA VALENTI

Thanks for giving me a place to sleep last night,
and for the extra blanket.
Vi.<...
JESSICA SHIRVINGTON

Maybe it’s not as clear-cut as that. Maybe it’s the very presence of one thing – light or dark...
JESSICA SHIRVINGTON

We eat. We sleep. We keep going.
JESSICA PARK

When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you.
JESSICA LANGE

Games require skill. Running requires endurance, character, pride, physical strength, and mental tou...
JESSICA PROPST

Quality is a proud and soaring thing.
JESSICA JULIAN

Living in L.A., everyone likes to mold you and change you. I don't care about fame, I don't care abo...
JESSICA ALBA

I want to experience that massive adrenalin rush when you step into a new stadium, all the more so w...
JESSICA ENNIS

I have been definitely influenced more by Latin American writers than by any other type of writer. T...
JESSICA HAGEDORN

Allison Jones, a big casting director out there, was like, 'They're casting 'The Daily S...
JESSICA WILLIAMS

At school my boobs were bigger than all my friends' and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel t...
JESSICA SIMPSON

When I do comedy, I lose all inhibition and introspection. I no longer care.
JESSICA ALBA

I don't ever really feel that wearing my wedding ring is what determines me being married or not...
JESSICA SIMPSON

Wedding fever is one of the scariest diseases I have ever seen.
JESSICA VALENTI

As I grew up and began identifying myself as a feminist, there were plenty of issues that continued ...
JESSICA VALENTI

In interviews I gave early on in my career, I was quoted as saying it was possible to have it all: a...
JESSICA SAVITCH

A marriage doesn't have to be perfect, but you can be perfect for each other.
JESSICA SIMPSON

I was raised in a strict Southern household in Lexington, South Carolina, and I remember sneaking of...
JESSICA STROUP

I'm a naughty sweetheart.
JESSICA SIMPSON

Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons.
JESSICA LANGE

My drawing, like that of most cartoonists, is intended first of all to be functional: to create beli...
JESSICA ABEL

The sexiest thing about style is if you kind of just take your personality and put it in what you we...
JESSICA SZOHR

People think the gold medal is yours and they say you're going to win - but they have no idea ho...
JESSICA ENNIS

The stereotypes of feminists as ugly, or man-haters, or hairy, or whatever it is - that's really...
JESSICA VALENTI

TV is sort of the only way to go for an actress my age to make a decent salary; with independent fil...
JESSICA LANGE

I never felt like I belonged in Minnesota when I was growing up there. That's why I was out the ...
JESSICA LANGE

For me, nothing has ever taken precedence over being a mother and having a family and a home.
JESSICA LANGE

To my mind the election was stolen by George Bush and we have been suffering ever since under this m...
JESSICA LANGE

What I love about photography, and it's the same thing I love about acting, really, is that it f...
JESSICA LANGE

Sometimes parts just come along when it's the perfect time for you to do them.
JESSICA LANGE

It comes down to something really simple: Can I visualize myself playing those scenes? If that happe...
JESSICA LANGE

I love being a mother. I loved being a daughter, a sister, a wife. I love being a woman with men. I ...
JESSICA LANGE

Because Shakespeare's language is so expansive, we're under this misconception that it's...
JESSICA LANGE

At a certain age, death becomes familiar to you-or a loss becomes familiar-the tragedies that are mo...
JESSICA LANGE

If you're really in the process of photographing, you are absolutely aware. You are looking.
JESSICA LANGE

I never think of the future. I never imagine what comes next.
JESSICA LANGE

One of the things I love about acting is that it reveals a certain something about yourself, but it ...
JESSICA LANGE

There's something magical still about it when I get in a darkroom, and you've shot a roll of...
JESSICA LANGE

I like playing characters who are out there on the edge, where they can explode at any moment or fal...
JESSICA LANGE

This idea of selfishness as a virtue, as opposed to generosity: That, to me, is unnatural.
JESSICA LANGE

There are no explanations, there are no answers.
JESSICA LANGE

Allow the diversity to exist. There is nothing wrong with it. Hell, we put up with the religious rig...
JESSICA LANGE

Families survive, one way or another. You have a tie, a connection that exists long after death, thr...
JESSICA LANGE

I've never been a sunny personality. I've never been outgoing. I'm a solitary person.
JESSICA LANGE

Photography was a blessing because it filled my time.
JESSICA LANGE

For me, acting was always a way to explore emotions - to dip into the well and really try to reach r...
JESSICA LANGE

I have been a waitress, and I was a damn fine waitress too, let me tell you.
JESSICA LANGE

All I have to say is: Jessica Simpson is the most beautiful woman on the planet!
JESSICA SIMPSON

I'm very active when I'm not pregnant, but I think fitness should be a natural part of your ...
JESSICA CAPSHAW

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the ce...
JESSICA LANGE

I'm part Spanish. My paternal grandfather came from Spain via Singapore to Manila. On my mother&...
JESSICA HAGEDORN

After filming, I can't wait to shake off all that '50s primness. I'll go out to a gig an...
JESSICA RAINE

I worked on my voice for Sweet Dreams, but only to match my speaking voice to Patsy's actual sin...
JESSICA LANGE

I remember the first time I put on the Army uniform. I just felt like a totally different person - I...
JESSICA LYNCH

Circuit training is a great way to go. Keeping the reps high and the weight low, you'll tone you...
JESSICA STROUP

My Nike Free sneakers add a splash of color and slide on fast, perfect for when I'm rushing to catch the school bus. And my favorite cargos are skinny but stretchy, so I can go up or down a few pounds and they still fit!

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Jessica Seinfeld

My Nike Free sneakers add a splash of color and slide on fast, perfect for when I'm rushing to catch the school bus. And my favorite cargos are skinny but stretchy, so I can go up or down a few pounds and they still fit!

Jessica Seinfeld

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