Tell a man whose house is on fire to give a moderate alarm; tell him to moderately rescue his wife from the hands of the ravisher; tell the mother to gradually extricate her babe from the fire into which it has fallen; but urge me not to use moderation in a case like the present.


William Lloyd Garrison

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A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roa...
GARRISON KEILLOR
The funniest line in English is ''Get it?'' When you say that, everyone chortles.
GARRISON KEILLOR
I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like...
GARRISON KEILLOR
Life is unjust and this is what makes it so beautiful. Every day is a gift. Be brave and take hold o...
GARRISON KEILLOR
Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the ...
GARRISON KEILLOR
One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read a...
GARRISON KEILLOR
We didn't come out ready to play. They're a good team and well coached, and you're not going to beat...
GREG GARRISON
There's a reason Cory Davis is getting a Division I scholarship. He's a difference maker, not only f...
GREG GARRISON
They were really physical inside and pushed us away from the basket. We didn't get the ball inside l...
GREG GARRISON
Our defensive presence was there ? they had 23 turnovers. Our (turnovers) came in stretches that led...
GREG GARRISON
That's kind of their trademark, to play hard and apply pressure. I think we came out a little timid ...
GREG GARRISON
We managed to hang on. We didn't do a good job of putting them away when we could have.
GREG GARRISON
We're not looking forward to that trip, to be honest with you.
GREG GARRISON
One of the big benefits is getting our kids away from home, sharing (motel) rooms. The camaraderie, ...
GREG GARRISON
The encouraging thing is we got better each game. It was a great team effort.
GREG GARRISON
I'm really proud of our kids and their defensive effort. We held them to seven in the fourth quarter...
GREG GARRISON
I believe comedy should be a resource to promote social change instead of regression. I can't say en...
LAURA GARRISON
What would people think?'
Jesus said that people think all sorts of things. The human mind is l...
GARRISON KEILLOR
Hurricanes affect us terribly. If we have a bad hurricane season it'll take away from everything I d...
BETSY GARRISON
The clothing is about sun protection and of course we have beer can island shorts.
BETSY GARRISON
We had the best January through March period in the history of owning our own business.
BETSY GARRISON
The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping...
GARRISON KEILLOR
You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.
GARRISON KEILLOR
I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats ...
GARRISON KEILLOR
is that we're this little, quiet pond, undisturbed. Sort of like a museum piece. Except we don't wan...
GARRISON KEILLOR
You never know what's going to happen. We're not going to rehearse -- we're just going to wing it.
GARRISON STARR
When I first started at KJHK it was this exalted entity to me. It was like I had finally found somet...
KYLE GARRISON
We don't have enough deodorant, so we'll add that later.
DAVID GARRISON
I'm afraid, based on my own experience, that fascism will come to America in the name of national se...
JIM GARRISON
I'm not able to cry yet, ... I lost a son and a wonderful daughter-in-law, but I can't cry. I want t...
JIM GARRISON
They would not be smart enough to pour piss out of their boots, if the instructions were written on ...
GARRISON KEILLOR
I want to keep it diverse, but not to the point of alienating our listeners. If it's a really good l...
KYLE GARRISON
Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar hair...
GARRISON KEILLOR
I want to resume the life of a shy person.
GARRISON KEILLOR
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with ...
GARRISON KEILLOR
Big mistake, ... Why do I need another weekly deadline?
GARRISON KEILLOR
We had a bevy -- literally a bevy -- of queens on our show, representing every agricultural product,...
GARRISON KEILLOR
Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at somethin...
GARRISON KEILLOR
one of the amazing experiences of my young life.
GARRISON KEILLOR
I'm not busy, ... A woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked ...
GARRISON KEILLOR
All fiction comes from a little bit of reality, otherwise it would have no relevance. The fun is in ...
GARRISON KEILLOR
Be more funny! Be more funny!
GARRISON KEILLOR
A Democrat in a red state? ... Were you elected, or is this a divine miracle?
GARRISON KEILLOR
There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice t...
GARRISON KEILLOR
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss...
GARRISON KEILLOR
May his soul be forever tormented by fire - And his bones be dug up by dogs - And dragged through th...
GARRISON KEILLOR
A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast a...
GARRISON KEILLOR
Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve
GARRISON KEILLOR
Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesn't kill you...and to love one woman fo...
GARRISON KEILLOR
Be well, do good work, and keep in touch
GARRISON KEILLOR
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose
GARRISON KEILLOR
Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children are above-average.
GARRISON KEILLOR
Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up
GARRISON KEILLOR
That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and...
GARRISON KEILLOR