A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.


Mark Twain

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER
If we all took a minute to reflect upon the wrong we do we would be quite surprised or shocked.Inste...
GARY F EVANS...
Only fools wait, and only tools bait.
CRE
There are approximately two trillion cells in the human body. You are never alone, there are always ...
DWIGHT W. HAYES
People themselves makes a lots of mistakes and still loves himself, and they never forget a single m...
OM BENIWAL
You can not change what happened or bring back the past. But you can change the future by being stro...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
Life is a re-discovery.
BRIAN BLESSED
If you think that life is a celebration full of party poppers and merry go rounds it's not it's a ga...
GARY F EVANS...
Life Is a Misconception.
DEYTH BANGER
Life is a desire!
DEYTH BANGER
To trust someone you must firstly remember that it is a two way street that will go all the way if y...
GARY F EVANS...
A lot of teenagers write to me and say "I want to write a book. I want to get published." And those ...
MAUREEN JOHNSON
...to ride well to hounds is simply a diversion. It leaves no record. But already, my dear Charlotte...
DAISY GOODWIN
Mark Twain: A Life
RON POWERS
People live for eating,but I eat for survive
OM BENIWAL
if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI
It is curious-curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so r...
MARK TWAIN
Mark Twain is as big as America. He really is.
VAL KILMER
Imagine life as a game, a game that is filled with obstacles and hazards to overcome but sometimes y...
GARY F EVANS...
One's ideas must be as broad as Nature if they are to interpret Nature
ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE
When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing w...
A.A. MILNE
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and s...
CARTER CROCKER
He's standing in a cluster of black T-shirts - together, they look like the wilted petals on a singl...
HOLLY SCHINDLER
For me, my life is a journey.
JAY ELECTRONICA
I want to leave a mark.

But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars.
JOHN GREEN
Mark Twain cannot be defined.
HAL HOLBROOK
Love isn't the work of the tender and the gentle;
Love is the work of wrestlers.
The one w...
JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI
The opportunity to decieve others is ever present and often tempting, and each instance of deception...
SAM HARRIS
Life is a risk.
CARMELO ANTHONY
Would you want you as a friend?
PETER STROPLE
It should not be surprised by seeing in our weird world that the people for enjoying own bread can a...
ANUJ SOMANY
Everyone out there is using you for their entertainment and what you mostly need is to be entertainm...
SUPERNA BATHEJA
Never give up on you. In order to make a difference you would have to somehow be different.
JOHNNIE DENT JR.
I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind.
C LIONG
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."

[Mark...
MARK TWAIN
Stephen picks up on Armstrong's pier, and calls Kingstown pier "a disappointed bridge" (2.22)...
JAMES JOYCE
I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix.
DEYTH BANGER
Without music, life is a journey through a desert.
PAT CONROY
Life is a journey. When we stop, things don't go right.
POPE FRANCIS
I never said to be like me, I say be yourself and make a difference.
MARILYN MANSON
In Cloud computing the difference between a dark cloud and a cloud with a silver lining, is the part...
RAJAT MOHAN
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live wi...
JOAN POWERS
Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?'
'Supposing it didn't,' said Pooh...
A.A. MILNE
How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS
By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.
E.M. FORSTER
When everyone has a microphone, you can't hear anything. Choose one voice carefully and listen in.
RICHIE NORTON
the deceased don’t want you to forget about them. They just want you to move past it; not to dwell...
JUSTIN PYFROM
Mark Twain.
FRIENDS
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
ROBERT J. HANLON
We each have a special something we can get only at a special time of our life. like a small flame. ...
HARUKI MURAKAMI
Allie, what do the Stars tell me to do? You know I don't understand the scientific part.
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN
The capacity of humans to believe in what seems to me highly improbable- from table tapping to the s...
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN
It is strange being in a crowd where no one knows your face or cares for your purpose. In Lykos, I w...
PIERCE BROWN
There's the 'right way' and the 'usual way'.
Folks tend to confuse both.
The right way i...
UFUOMA APOKI
It was pretty short for a murder trial.
LORI ADAMS
So rich a client having suffered such a messy death was an unsettling embarrassment to Captain Haral...
CHRISTINA ENGELA
Life is a school of probability.
WALTER BAGEHOT
This life is a process of learning.
LAURYN HILL
Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process.
ANNE WILSON SCHAEF
Everybody in life is a chameleon.
MELANIE CHISHOLM
His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha...
TEKOA MANNING
I wanted to tell you that I just--I miss you. And maybe that sounds ridiculous--like we barely know ...
TAMMARA WEBBER
Life is a grand party.
EZRA MILLER
By writing quotes...I mark a trail of my soul's journey in this realm.
TOBA BETA
By writing quotes...
I mark a trail
of my soul's journey in this realm.
TOBA BETA
If you think like a leader, act like a leader, inspire like a leader then you are a leader.
DEBASISH MRIDHA
Unsubscribe from should-a, would-a, could-a
MICHAEL H. DANSBURY
A successful teacher is one who has atleast 2 students in his class, one who sees no reason to study...
APURVA GAGLANI
The mightiest power of death is not that it can make people die, but that it can make the people you...
FREDRIK BACKMAN
Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love.
AVIS COREA
Consider well the proportion of things. It is better to be a young June bug, than an old bird of par...
MARK TWAIN
The fear of murder has grown so enormous in the United States that it leaves a taint, like the mark ...
ERIC SCHLOSSER
To be a man is, precisely, to be responsible.
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY
A coin is examined, and only after careful deliberation, given to a beggar, whereas a child is flung...
PETER WESSEL ZAPFFE
A godmother is always there and genuine.The help she has given will never be forgotten but will glis...
GARY F EVANS...
If tomorrow was yesterday then yesterday would be tomorrow, if we think about the past why not think...
GARY F EVANS...
Start seeing a way for yourself. Stop seeing a way for others.
APURVA GAGLANI
and the girl and I get into her car and drive off into the hills and we go to her room and I take of...
BRET EASTON ELLIS
Even the ugliest person's cellulite is more attractive than the most beautiful supermodel's lower in...
JENNY LAWSON
To change yourself you have to move from where you are and take a step, then you have to be willing ...
BRENT M. JONES
Mark Twain and I are in the same position. We have put things in such a way as to make people, who w...
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
It is a small world. You do not have to live in it particuarly long to learn that for yourself. Ther...
NEIL GAIMAN
If you hold a cat by the tail, you learn things you can't learn any other way.--Mark Twain
TONY-PAUL DE VISSAGE
Voter apathy is a civic abdication.
CHARLES M. BLOW
I don't know if they're really like everybody else, or if they're able to pretend they are.
MADELEINE L'ENGLE
Even Lot might have been mistaken. But that’s what he promised ‘em – his virgin daughters, you...
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN
God is the strength in which I trust." Lesson 47, A Course In Miracles
HELEN SCHUCMAN
You're full of contradictions, Ms. Wallace."
I looked up at him and arched a brow. "I'm a girl...
TAMMARA WEBBER
There isn't an hour of my life without you in it. I mend the boats, test them and all the while the ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS
Well, you can't know it without something having been sneezed.
A.A. MILNE
We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.
Even longer,' Pooh answered.”
...
A.A. MILNE
Like a deep sad note
played beneath the ocean
waving through the orb
the memories of ...
PAWAN MISHRA
The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha...
FRANCINE RIVERS
If you want to meet Mark Twain, all you have to do is use your brain!
STEVE RAY COLLINS
Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play.
J.R. RIM
To paraphrase Mark Twain, our demise is greatly exaggerated.
CHRIS DONLAY
The slight that can be conveyed in a glance, in a gracious smile, in a wave of the hand, is often th...
JULIA KAVANAGH
It is better to be a pragmatist than a lunatic.
DEBASISH MRIDHA
A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was ...
SøREN KIERKEGAARD
All persons harboring or secreting the conspirators or aiding their concealment or escape, will be t...
EDWIN M. STANTON

More Mark Twain

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
MARK TWAIN
My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
MARK TWAIN
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.
MARK TWAIN
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure tha...
MARK TWAIN
The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
MARK TWAIN
India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India ...
MARK TWAIN
Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
MARK TWAIN
I never let schooling interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
MARK TWAIN
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
MARK TWAIN
The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed rig...
MARK TWAIN
There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
MARK TWAIN
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
MARK TWAIN
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here firs...
MARK TWAIN
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one...
MARK TWAIN
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
MARK TWAIN
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
MARK TWAIN
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of ti...
MARK TWAIN
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
MARK TWAIN
The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
MARK TWAIN
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
MARK TWAIN
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
MARK TWAIN
Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.
MARK TWAIN
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
MARK TWAIN
Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.
MARK TWAIN
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
MARK TWAIN
There are lies, damned lies and statistics.
MARK TWAIN
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
MARK TWAIN
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside...
MARK TWAIN
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
MARK TWAIN
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
MARK TWAIN
Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
MARK TWAIN
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
MARK TWAIN
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
MARK TWAIN
All generalizations are false, including this one.
MARK TWAIN
'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
MARK TWAIN
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a ba...
MARK TWAIN
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
MARK TWAIN
Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAIN
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
MARK TWAIN
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
MARK TWAIN
If I owned half of that dog, I would shoot my half.
MARK TWAIN
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed ...
MARK TWAIN
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. B...
MARK TWAIN
When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victorymu...
MARK TWAIN
The teacher reminded us that Romes liberties were not auctioned off in a day, but were bought slowly...
MARK TWAIN
By his father he is English, by his mother he is Americanto my mind the blend which makes the perfec...
MARK TWAIN
So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.
MARK TWAIN
The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes...
MARK TWAIN
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in itand stop there; lest w...
MARK TWAIN
The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large mattertis the diff...
MARK TWAIN
Say the report is exaggerated.
MARK TWAIN
A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will ...
MARK TWAIN
To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature Congressman.
MARK TWAIN
I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than ...
MARK TWAIN
A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; t...
MARK TWAIN
Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the st...
MARK TWAIN
Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred mi...
MARK TWAIN
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to...
MARK TWAIN
We never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead -- and not then ...
MARK TWAIN
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAIN
All say, How hard it is that we have to die -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people...
MARK TWAIN
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find...
MARK TWAIN
Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood...
MARK TWAIN
As to the adjective, when in doubt strike it out.
MARK TWAIN
I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshol...
MARK TWAIN
Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than...
MARK TWAIN
The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without burst...
MARK TWAIN
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
MARK TWAIN
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
MARK TWAIN
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do wh...
MARK TWAIN
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand ...
MARK TWAIN
Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
MARK TWAIN
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal...
MARK TWAIN
Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired
MARK TWAIN
It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.
MARK TWAIN
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
MARK TWAIN
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting...
MARK TWAIN
To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.
MARK TWAIN
Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
MARK TWAIN
The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itse...
MARK TWAIN
Stars are good too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I never can. You would ...
MARK TWAIN
There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry.
MARK TWAIN
The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things tha...
MARK TWAIN
Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled
MARK TWAIN
Necessity is the mother of "taking chances"
MARK TWAIN
Distance lends enchantment to the view
MARK TWAIN
Be good and you will be lonesome.
MARK TWAIN
Chastity - you can carry it too far
MARK TWAIN
To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler--and less trouble.
MARK TWAIN
Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in it...
MARK TWAIN
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
MARK TWAIN
When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.
MARK TWAIN
There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many...
MARK TWAIN
Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you.
MARK TWAIN
I can't do literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and lookin...
MARK TWAIN
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would...
MARK TWAIN
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relati...
MARK TWAIN
Wit and Humor -- if any difference, it is in duration -- lightning and electric light. Same material...
MARK TWAIN
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no...
MARK TWAIN
There is a great deal of human nature in people.
MARK TWAIN
If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.
MARK TWAIN
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
MARK TWAIN
The human race was always interesting and we know by its past that it will always continue so, monot...
MARK TWAIN
Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
MARK TWAIN
Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat...
MARK TWAIN
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts th...
MARK TWAIN
Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement,...
MARK TWAIN
Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of t...
MARK TWAIN
Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.
MARK TWAIN
Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind.
MARK TWAIN
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks, if we agree with him.
MARK TWAIN
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover th...
MARK TWAIN
A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.
MARK TWAIN
Happiness ain't a thing in itself --it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so,...
MARK TWAIN
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happiness to...
MARK TWAIN
I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treas...
MARK TWAIN
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich...
MARK TWAIN
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide i...
MARK TWAIN
Let us be grateful to Adam, our benefactor. He cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us...
MARK TWAIN
Intellectual work is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward.
MARK TWAIN
Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.
MARK TWAIN
I do not like work even when someone else does it.
MARK TWAIN
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not oblig...
MARK TWAIN
Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
MARK TWAIN
Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time.
MARK TWAIN
No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.
MARK TWAIN
We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether th...
MARK TWAIN
Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True ...
MARK TWAIN
When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
MARK TWAIN
Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
MARK TWAIN
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
MARK TWAIN
We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the hum...
MARK TWAIN
There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.
MARK TWAIN
I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- except he...
MARK TWAIN
There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were...
MARK TWAIN
People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
MARK TWAIN
My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody drinks water.
MARK TWAIN
A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table ...
MARK TWAIN
When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a te...
MARK TWAIN
In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
MARK TWAIN
Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
MARK TWAIN
The lack of money is the root of all evils.
MARK TWAIN
His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
MARK TWAIN
Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures...
MARK TWAIN
All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. ...
MARK TWAIN
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Traini...
MARK TWAIN
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only m...
MARK TWAIN
There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence.
MARK TWAIN
It is by the goodness of God that we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech...
MARK TWAIN
There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.
MARK TWAIN
War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has no...
MARK TWAIN
There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhe...
MARK TWAIN
To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his...
MARK TWAIN
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
MARK TWAIN
A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
MARK TWAIN
A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
MARK TWAIN
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, b...
MARK TWAIN
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
MARK TWAIN
A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversati...
MARK TWAIN
Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expe...
MARK TWAIN
Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million.
MARK TWAIN
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.
MARK TWAIN
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a creature be part cowar...
MARK TWAIN
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
MARK TWAIN
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man aro...
MARK TWAIN
Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
MARK TWAIN
It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
MARK TWAIN
Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
MARK TWAIN
There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it ...
MARK TWAIN
I've never let my school interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN
In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in al...
MARK TWAIN
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).
MARK TWAIN
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal di...
MARK TWAIN
A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going...
MARK TWAIN
Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiment...
MARK TWAIN
Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the ca...
MARK TWAIN
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the r...
MARK TWAIN
The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a...
MARK TWAIN
Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its...
MARK TWAIN
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
MARK TWAIN
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the reall...
MARK TWAIN
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
MARK TWAIN
′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read.
MARK TWAIN
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
MARK TWAIN
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN
The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.
MARK TWAIN
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Trut...
MARK TWAIN
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
MARK TWAIN
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
MARK TWAIN
All right, then, I'll go to hell.
MARK TWAIN
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
MARK TWAIN
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
MARK TWAIN
If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.
MARK TWAIN
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
MARK TWAIN
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it ...
MARK TWAIN
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
MARK TWAIN
Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
MARK TWAIN
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
MARK TWAIN
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
MARK TWAIN