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It is good rule in life to never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.


P. G. [Sir Pelham Grenville] Wodehouse

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P.G. WODEHOUSE What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?
P.G. WODEHOUSE I'm not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare -- or, if not, it's some...
P.G. WODEHOUSE But when I say 'cow', don’t go running away with the idea of some decent, self-respecting cudster ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through.
P.G. WODEHOUSE Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE It seems to be one of Nature’s laws that the most attractive girls should have the least attractiv...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with,...
P.G. WODEHOUSE A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE One of the Georges - I forget which - once said that a certain number of hours' sleep each night - I...
P.G. WODEHOUSE ...there was practically one handwriting common to the whole school when it came to writing lines. I...
P.G. WODEHOUSE One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to reme...
P.G. WODEHOUSE You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
P.G. WODEHOUSE Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled...
P.G. WODEHOUSE It was a morning when all nature shouted "Fore!" The breeze, as it blew gently up from the valley, s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
P.G. WODEHOUSE The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterfli...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge t...
P.G. WODEHOUSE To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
P.G. WODEHOUSE There is nothing an author today has to guard himself more carefully against than the Saga Habit. Th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb tr...
P.G. WODEHOUSE A certain critic -- for such men, I regret to say, do exist -- made the nasty remark about my last n...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Morning, Bill,' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.

'Go to hell!' said Bill.

'Right-...
P.G. WODEHOUSE The ideal adventurer needs... the quality of not being content to mind his own affairs...
P.G. WODEHOUSE -'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'
There is no time, sir, at which ties do no...
P.G. WODEHOUSE This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literatu...
P.G. WODEHOUSE He was one of those earnest, persevering dancers--the kind that have taken twelve correspondence les...
P.G. WODEHOUSE It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.
P.G. WODEHOUSE The coops were finished. They were not masterpieces, and I have seen chickens pause before them in d...
P.G. WODEHOUSE All nice girls sketch a little.
P.G. WODEHOUSE Have you ever seen a man, woman, or child who wasn’t eating an egg or just going to eat an egg or ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE I went into the kitchen ten minutes back. The cat was sitting on the mat."

Beale's narra...
P.G. WODEHOUSE He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes."
"He's alwa...
P.G. WODEHOUSE I was in that painful condition which occurs when one has lost one's first wind and has not yet got ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Conversationally, I am like a clockwork toy. I have to be set going.
P.G. WODEHOUSE The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.
P.G. WODEHOUSE It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE There are situations in life which are beyond one. The sensible man realizes this, and slides out of...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Man's inability to get out of bed in the morning is a curious thing. One may reason with oneself cle...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Half a league
Half a league
Half a league onward
With a hey-nonny-nonny
And a ho...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing f...
P.G. WODEHOUSE I said, 'Don't talk rot, Old Tom Travers."
"I am not accustomed to talk rot," he said.
"Th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
P.G. WODEHOUSE [A]lways get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothin...
P.G. WODEHOUSE The storm is over, there is sunlight in my heart. I have a glass of wine and sit thinking of what ha...
P.G. WODEHOUSE Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had cr...
P.G. WODEHOUSE It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to b...
P.G. WODEHOUSE I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE