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David Sedaris

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I started out as a writer. Poetry and prose and also kind of satirical David Sedaris-esque stuff.
PAULEY PERRETTE You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popey...
DAVID SEDARIS Be kind. We never know what people are going through. Give grace and mercy because one day your circ...
GERMANY KENT I know that David Tennant's Hamlet isn't till July. And lots of people are going to be doing Dr Who ...
NEIL GAIMAN Kindness is universal. Sometimes being kind allows others to see the goodness in humanity through yo...
GERMANY KENT Reach out and help others. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. Be a vessel, be the c...
GERMANY KENT How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at her own courage. "It's no business of mine."
The Q...
LEWIS CARROLL Friendship is a double-edged sword one side it can be great and true but the other side it spells be...
GARY F EVANS... Wake every morning with the same feeling. Live up high and fly on top of the ceiling. I just know th...
ANA CLAUDIA ANTUNES Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy

"To go outside, and there perchance to stay
Or to re...
HENRY N. BEARD Well, I have lost you; and I lost you fairly;
In my own way, and with my full consent.
Say...
EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY The unfortunate thing is that, sometimes, we slip, but, fortunately, consciously or unconsciously, w...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Dare to follow your own paths.
Dare to be yourself.
Dare to be different.
LAILAH GIFTYAKITA The love you get, is equal to the love you give.
BEN OAK The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority....
DAVID SEDARIS I know now: what is is all that matters. Not the thing you know is meant to be, not what could be, n...
AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS I hate that just because you happen to be good at something,people automatically think that's what m...
AMBER SMITH Congratulations, to the people which made gotham series, still need some more and extra work!
DEYTH BANGER To have the cognitive abilities to do research and development is vital to a forever expanding world...
GARY F EVANS... The first and foremost human right or fundamental right is the right to exist.
APURVA GAGLANI If we ever put research into what the subconscious is we could probably come to the conclusion that ...
GARY F EVANS... i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g...
SIMI GREWAL Be the girl you want your daughter to be. Be the girl you want your son to date. Be classy, be smart...
GERMANY KENT I let out a sound that was definitely not a whimper. It was something far more manly, no matter what...
BRANDON SANDERSON What if you are wrong? What if the gods sent you, and indeed the rest of us, not because we were nev...
MARIE LU Don't you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you're not taking advantage of it?...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY To be, or not to be, that is the question.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE There is going to have to be another leader in place when the next election comes and you would have...
ALASTAIR CAMPBELL Not everyone has the time to be normal.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA It's a a damn good day to be alive.
MICHAEL CLIFFORD We'll be given an opportunity to show why David shouldn't be put through the trauma of reliving the ...
HERSH WOLCH He's for you and wants to help you be the person He created you to be.
CRAIG GROESCHEL Death is only a place to rest while we decide where to go next.
ANTHONY T. HINCKS He wants to put all that stuff aside.
BOB WEISS Music written by teams makes the authorship of a piece indistinct. Could it be that when hearing a s...
DAVID BYRNE May I never neither turn left nor turn right in my journey of life, but may I go straight to Christ ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to ne...
DOUGLAS ADAMS The saying sell all your belongings & give to the poor simply means "Redirect your mind to the verit...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Life can only be understood looking backward. It must be lived forward.
ERIC ROTH You're afraid of getting hurt like I'm afraid to die. It doesn't mean I'm not going to live every da...
VI KEELAND Wesley Rush doesn't chase girls, but I'm chasing you.
KODY KEPLINGER I turn and kick with the first one and feel myself being lifted and thrown towards the beach. It's l...
MARK SMITH What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough ...
DOUGLAS ADAMS One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit o...
DOUGLAS ADAMS The first ten million years were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they we...
DOUGLAS ADAMS If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do:
You must learn how to make a perfect ch...
SHEL SILVERSTEIN PEACE IS THE OBJECTIVE TO WAR, BUT THE BLOOD RUNNETH STILL
NATALIE URQUIETA To be or not to be. That's not really a question.
JEAN-LUC GODARD This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section.
JOHN CALLAHAN Sheep don’t need the shepherd to be what they are. The shepherd needs sheep to be what he is.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA The sad heart needs work to do.
JOAN BAUER Most powerful of all powers in its holy insinuation is _being_. _To be_ is more powerful than even _...
GEORGE MACDONALD Seeing eye to an eye is a must, especially when there lies a case, or an intent, to meet; even by in...
PRIYAVRAT THAREJA I needed to say something. Something romantic! Something to sweep her off her feet.
"You're lik...
BRANDON SANDERSON To be rich simply means,to be able to meet people's need.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) when your heart touched mine,I knew then we were one.
THERESA M WILSON To be rich simply means to be beneficial to others.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) More than any woman I ever knew, she comforted.' -Mrs. Huxley about Emma
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN That's silly,' said Martha. 'Friends should always tell each other the truth.
JAMES MARSHALL Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women...
JOSEPH B. WIRTHLIN In this long eternal quest to be more like our Savior, may we try to be “perfect” men and women ...
JEFFREY R. HOLLAND And we learned that you don't have to be famous or rich or physically healthy to be a leader. You ju...
JOAN BAUER There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today, and to live most fully today, we ...
THOMAS S. MONSON Beauty—real everlasting beauty—lives not on our faces, but in our attitude and our actions. It l...
JUSTINA CHEN He wants to put his story next to hers.
TONI MORRISON Judge not lest ye be judged.
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MATTHEW Experience has shown me that standing by oneself reading from one's book isn't especially co...
GAYLE FORMAN one day I will tell you a story. A story that will make you ponder. A story that will make you wonde...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I don't spend a lot of time asking "WHY?" Instead I focus on what I should do now or how I should re...
JEFF DIXON-THE KEY TO THE KINGDOM Let's read as if books were to disappear tomorrow!
GABRIELLE DUBOIS An author's characters do what he wants them to do.
W. E. B. GRIFFIN If David Bowie wants, I'll put him in my phone book.
MADS MIKKELSEN Do I have the courage of being a ruthless man to myself with the complete knowledge on my manner or ...
FEREIDOON YAZDI Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and ...
DOUGLAS ADAMS The market is still waiting for HSBC results, which will have a big impact on the direction of the m...
ANDREW TO Property shares had a technical rebound, but interest rate concerns will still affect properties unt...
ANDREW TO Bank of China's results were quite good; double-digit growth can be taken as good results for a bank...
ANDREW TO The index tried to challenge 18,000 but failed, so that triggered profit taking. Tokyo's slide also ...
ANDREW TO Trading seems to be focusing on selective counters because investors are cautious amid interest rate...
ANDREW TO We're seeing a minor technical rebound after Wall Street rebounded from two days of losses. The key ...
ANDREW TO Some investors have returned to pick up the stock at bargain prices.
ANDREW TO I think the take-up for the placement is not too good and other property developers may be discourag...
ANDREW TO We are afraid that our freedoms and liberties will be infringed in the future.
ANDREW TO I think there was some minor selling pressure on telecom stocks as the market continued to see a wea...
ANDREW TO They need to do what we should have done and put a plan in place. It's a challenge for (chief execut...
DAVID DAVIES I've lost both parents in the last two years, so you pick up on that stuff. That's the most ...
TERRY PRATCHETT He just wants to be comfortable. He wants to be secure and find a place with some stability after wh...
DEANDRE SCOTT - Mrzim sve što je odricanje!
- Ni ja, Ivane, ne pristajem da se odričem. Ja hoću ceo, sav, ...
DOBRICA ĆOSIć In the beginning the Universe was created.
This had made many people very angry and has been wi...
DOUGLAS ADAMS There was a terribly ghastly silence.
There was a terribly ghastly noise.
There was a terr...
DOUGLAS ADAMS To make one mistake, and then fix it. It shows, a sign that you have understood
the lesson.
DEYTH BANGER She was restless. She drove a little too fast, swam a little too far offshore. She hitchhiked. She s...
ELIZABETH WINDER Boring people live boring lives.
HABEEB AKANDE Can I buy you a drink when you get off?"

"I don't drink. Alcohol is bad for my legs."
ERIC JEROME DICKEY He'd never forget what Naasir had said to him when Dmitri yelled that he didn't intend to bury anoth...
NALINI SINGH Seeking survival, hostile, hidden from sight,
Deliciously flavoured - juicy, sweet bite,
E...
CLAUDIA BAKKER He muttered something foul and then climbed the stairs, rapping twice on Timmie’s door.
“Ri...
JEANIENE FROST Anything that is exclusive will be accused of elitism; living one’s dreams will be called pretenti...
FENNEL HUDSON God prepares you for your next level before He finally takes you there. It is not the other way arou...
BENJAMIN SUULOLA Another year is ending, but something is pending
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH

More David Sedaris

If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.
DAVID SEDARIS I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
DAVID SEDARIS I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people sa...
DAVID SEDARIS If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
DAVID SEDARIS Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result....
DAVID SEDARIS Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."
DAVID SEDARIS We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of phys...
DAVID SEDARIS Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
DAVID SEDARIS Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
DAVID SEDARIS Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading th...
DAVID SEDARIS Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, th...
DAVID SEDARIS I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's...
DAVID SEDARIS The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing ...
DAVID SEDARIS The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insis...
DAVID SEDARIS In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New Yor...
DAVID SEDARIS People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than ...
DAVID SEDARIS Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I’d...
DAVID SEDARIS Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes...
DAVID SEDARIS For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that rese...
DAVID SEDARIS I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.
DAVID SEDARIS but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
DAVID SEDARIS Potential boyfriends could not smoke Merit cigarettes, own or wear a pair of cowboy boots, or eat an...
DAVID SEDARIS It's a common mistake for vacationing Americans to assume that everyone around them is French and th...
DAVID SEDARIS I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an ...
DAVID SEDARIS If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt? I accepte...
DAVID SEDARIS What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyo...
DAVID SEDARIS In order to get the things I want, it helps me to pretend I’m a figure in a daytime drama, a schem...
DAVID SEDARIS Amy adored both the new look and the new person it allowed her to be. Following the photo shoot, she...
DAVID SEDARIS The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
DAVID SEDARIS The italian nanny was attempting to answer the teachers latest question when the moroccan student in...
DAVID SEDARIS I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an ...
DAVID SEDARIS At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loade...
DAVID SEDARIS On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From ...
DAVID SEDARIS When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that,...
DAVID SEDARIS I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I coul...
DAVID SEDARIS Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an und...
DAVID SEDARIS Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can't kill the Rooster. You might ca...
DAVID SEDARIS When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.
DAVID SEDARIS If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
DAVID SEDARIS People in trailers were canned and labeled much like the apple juice down at the plant, stamped with...
DAVID SEDARIS There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.
DAVID SEDARIS I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwi...
DAVID SEDARIS The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-y...
DAVID SEDARIS My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard o...
DAVID SEDARIS Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
DAVID SEDARIS I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter...
DAVID SEDARIS It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will...
DAVID SEDARIS After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where...
DAVID SEDARIS To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
DAVID SEDARIS Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to ...
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a ...
DAVID SEDARIS What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
DAVID SEDARIS People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive i...
DAVID SEDARIS No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
DAVID SEDARIS Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people a...
DAVID SEDARIS After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I d...
DAVID SEDARIS For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but...
DAVID SEDARIS At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would ...
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but I still keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.
DAVID SEDARIS People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that t...
DAVID SEDARIS I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it...
DAVID SEDARIS But most good movies have a gun in them.
DAVID SEDARIS They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too genero...
DAVID SEDARIS I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorist...
DAVID SEDARIS But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
DAVID SEDARIS Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do...
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospecti...
DAVID SEDARIS I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodr...
DAVID SEDARIS I've become like one of those people I hate, the sort who go to the museum and, instead of looking a...
DAVID SEDARIS If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you...
DAVID SEDARIS There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus “Leave me the fuck alone” comes o...
DAVID SEDARIS A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more ...
DAVID SEDARIS Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering ...
DAVID SEDARIS You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popey...
DAVID SEDARIS On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot...
DAVID SEDARIS It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.
DAVID SEDARIS States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don't want to get married, it tends t...
DAVID SEDARIS I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed.
DAVID SEDARIS When a hurricane damaged my father's house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers o...
DAVID SEDARIS It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of...
DAVID SEDARIS Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all o...
DAVID SEDARIS I'm just a big liar.
DAVID SEDARIS On Undecided Voter​s: "To put them in perspective, I think​ of being​ on an airplane.​ The f...
DAVID SEDARIS It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my ...
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS In Paris the cashiers sit rather than stand. They run your goods over a scanner, tally up the price,...
DAVID SEDARIS Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt...
DAVID SEDARIS I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people...
DAVID SEDARIS He took a sip of my father’s weak coffee and spit it back into the mug. "This shit’s like making...
DAVID SEDARIS Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar wit...
DAVID SEDARIS Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in m...
DAVID SEDARIS Like any normal fifth grader, I preferred my villains to be evil and stay that way, to act like Drac...
DAVID SEDARIS Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and...
DAVID SEDARIS Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—...
DAVID SEDARIS I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little fing...
DAVID SEDARIS Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
DAVID SEDARIS … [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve...
DAVID SEDARIS One thing about English-language bookstores in the age of Amazon is that it assumes that everybody h...
DAVID SEDARIS When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
DAVID SEDARIS Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shi...
DAVID SEDARIS the lower bunks, both of us longing to be pinned. “You kids think you invented sex,” my mother w...
DAVID SEDARIS Someone in our family had taken to wiping his or her ass on the bath towels. What made this exceptio...
DAVID SEDARIS The whole notion of the nursing home was something dreamed up by people like my mother; American wom...
DAVID SEDARIS The thing to remeber is that more than anything in this world, these colored people wish they were w...
DAVID SEDARIS the beauty of an art school: as long as you can pay the tuition, they will never, even in the gentle...
DAVID SEDARIS The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing some...
DAVID SEDARIS You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholi...
DAVID SEDARIS What are you, tap dancing up there? You want a put on a show, do you? Well, the theater's closed for...
DAVID SEDARIS You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, j...
DAVID SEDARIS My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for _who_ I am. Concentrate too hard...
DAVID SEDARIS They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of...
DAVID SEDARIS Motherfucker, you haven't got the fucking balls God gave a goddamned church mouse. You crawled out o...
DAVID SEDARIS Watching him was like opening the door to a siniging telegram; you know it's supposed to be entertai...
DAVID SEDARIS He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us!
DAVID SEDARIS Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where ...
DAVID SEDARIS We give anonymously because the sackfuls of thank-you letters break our hearts with their clumsy han...
DAVID SEDARIS If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit...
DAVID SEDARIS Motherfucker, you try that again and I'll come in there with a fucking coat hanger and give you some...
DAVID SEDARIS I’d always been afraid of sick people, and so had my mother. It wasn’t that we feared catching t...
DAVID SEDARIS As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
DAVID SEDARIS The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
DAVID SEDARIS I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down m...
DAVID SEDARIS I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
DAVID SEDARIS What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was...
DAVID SEDARIS I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.
DAVID SEDARIS College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for...
DAVID SEDARIS between the disfigurement and the muzzle, it's nearly impossible to catch what she's saying. Always,...
DAVID SEDARIS Shit is the tofu of cursing.
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective c...
DAVID SEDARIS Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that t...
DAVID SEDARIS When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had no...
DAVID SEDARIS If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven...
DAVID SEDARIS The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as lo...
DAVID SEDARIS Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
DAVID SEDARIS That man tried to picka my frienda’s pocketoni!
DAVID SEDARIS They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should...
DAVID SEDARIS All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is sa...
DAVID SEDARIS He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.
DAVID SEDARIS A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneas...
DAVID SEDARIS I hate computers. My hatred is entrenched, and I nourish it daily. I’m comfortable with it, and no...
DAVID SEDARIS As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
DAVID SEDARIS Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the...
DAVID SEDARIS Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in th...
DAVID SEDARIS whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn ...
DAVID SEDARIS If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk mo...
DAVID SEDARIS I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.
DAVID SEDARIS I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.
DAVID SEDARIS My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six mon...
DAVID SEDARIS Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
DAVID SEDARIS I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
DAVID SEDARIS But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
DAVID SEDARIS The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority....
DAVID SEDARIS The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I ...
DAVID SEDARIS Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has...
DAVID SEDARIS Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn't live through, I chose to weed out the little inconvenienc...
DAVID SEDARIS Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his ...
AMY SEDARIS Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were ...
AMY SEDARIS I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my...
AMY SEDARIS My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
AMY SEDARIS I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someo...
AMY SEDARIS You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use y...
AMY SEDARIS I'm very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to mak...
AMY SEDARIS I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's ...
AMY SEDARIS People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
AMY SEDARIS I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But...
AMY SEDARIS I think it's still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you're supposed to 'be'...
AMY SEDARIS More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They ...
AMY SEDARIS I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they're a little naive - you made it becaus...
AMY SEDARIS I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.
AMY SEDARIS If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I alway...
AMY SEDARIS You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character acto...
AMY SEDARIS Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny ...
AMY SEDARIS But I always like to play ugly people who think they're pretty.
AMY SEDARIS My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
AMY SEDARIS When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yoursel...
AMY SEDARIS Books are challenging and inspirational to me.
AMY SEDARIS I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.
AMY SEDARIS I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, includ...
AMY SEDARIS I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd ge...
AMY SEDARIS I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I'm gonna do it, and I'll see what riff ...
AMY SEDARIS We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
AMY SEDARIS My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea m...
AMY SEDARIS I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.
AMY SEDARIS My characters always like themselves.
AMY SEDARIS It's all about process to me - as long as it's fun to me, I don't care about the final product.
AMY SEDARIS It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high...
AMY SEDARIS I'm satisfied just thinking of the idea.
AMY SEDARIS I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS I'm not a first-place person.
AMY SEDARIS You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors w...
AMY SEDARIS I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
AMY SEDARIS It's driving me crazy! It's awful. I saw four last night during the Academy Awards. Four little baby...
AMY SEDARIS I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS