It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.


Steven Wright

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEPHEN WRIGHT
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If you aren't room temperature, your situation can always be improved.
STEVEN SINGER
I?m lucky to still be breathing and not be room temperature.
CURTIS SLIWA
Culture :
It is what happens to your body when it assumes room temperature
No mind body di...
ANONYMOUS
You just heat the crystal from room temperature to about 130 degrees. Then you can use it while it's...
YARON DANON
Laser cooling opened a new route to ultralow temperature physics. Laser cooling experiments, with ro...
WOLFGANG KETTERLE
Like most baked goods, soda bread doesn't keep for long. If properly cooled, wrapped well in plastic...
JOHN REILLY
By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.
E.M. FORSTER
Parents don't take a baby's temperature to decide whether the room is too warm; likewise, fo...
GEORGE AKERLOF
Our server room situation worked out pretty easily. We leased space that was previously occupied by ...
DAVID JACKSON
There are two different types of leader. A person can either be like a thermometer or a thermostat. ...
KEVIN MCCARTHY
You touch a screen to turn off lights in a room or activate the alarm system. The home owner can als...
GEORGE JAMES
Think how nature makes things compared to how we humans make things." We talked about how animals do...
WILLIAM POWERS
It basically has a crystal in it whose frequency is proportional to a temperature, ... As the temper...
BILL HICKS
It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER
The world she was walking through was a pale nothingness, like a blank sheet of paper or an enormous...
NEIL GAIMAN
That may seem like a small number, but it makes a huge difference in ocean temperature and it has ma...
JUDITH CURRY
Never forget that you are one of a kind. Never forget that if there weren't any need for you in all ...
R. BUCKMINSTER FULLER
Oh, it makes a difference, I thought. And if it doesn't make a difference you will make it make a di...
CHAIM POTOK
I believe in work. If somebody doesn't create something, however small it may be, he gets sick. An a...
ARTHUR MILLER
Go into the world and do well. But more importantly, go into the world and do good.
MINOR MYERS
It is what it is, it is what you make it.
JAMES DURBIN
The real limitation to determining the temperature is the assumption that there is a single temperat...
DAVID JEWITT
I think it's (the market) going to keep taking its temperature.
ART CASHIN
The opportunity to decieve others is ever present and often tempting, and each instance of deception...
SAM HARRIS
There is always room for a person of force and they make room for many.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Still, the change is nearly indescribable - going from total obscurity to walking down a street in N...
MATT DAMON
Often for hors d'oeuvres, I serve room temperature vegetables, something like that, so that the ...
SALLY SCHNEIDER
I could make a difference.
CHRIS BURKE
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT
DARYNDA JONES
You've such a lovely temperature.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
You need to take care of the kids and the room temperature, ... For many school districts, they've b...
ANNE MORGAN
No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be u...
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
We cannot do everything, but we can all do something.
DILLON BURROUGHS
Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference has never tried to fall asleep with a...
CHRISTINE TODD WHITMAN
There are a zillion variables to a hamburger. What part of the animal went into it. What coarseness....
DANNY MEYER
...if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is impo...
WILLIAM PAUL YOUNG
A simple paint job can make a huge difference one room at a time.
LARRY KREISMAN
The difference between surface and upper-air trends in no way invalidates the conclusion that the Ea...
JOHN WALLACE
The difference between surface and upper-air trends in no way invalidates the conclusion that the Ea...
JOHN WALLACE
I don't want to make money; I want to make a difference.
LADY GAGA
You can go into caves, and they can maintain constant conditions of temperature and humidity over lo...
HENDRIK POINAR
I was going to make him proud of the man I would become. I was finally going to chart my own course,...
EMORY R. FRIE
My life is a mosaic, and there's no room in between pieces at all.
MARCIA CLARK
It is also likely the brightest known object of its temperature because it is so close. And it's a r...
BETH BILLER
All my feather stuff is in L.A. at a temperature-controlled stage-storage place. I keep all my good ...
STEVIE NICKS
Abandoning the project was incredibly stressful after having gone through the process of building th...
ANDY GOLDSWORTHY
Her smile could wash away a thousand doubts as soon as light up a room.
BELINDA JEFFREY
Zero kelvin is the lowest possible temperature. At absolute zero, all motion comes to a standstill. ...
WOLFGANG KETTERLE
In the martian case, fluid well above the boiling point (which is a very low temperature at Mars' lo...
JENNIFER HELDMANN
Science casts a long black shadow back over who we think we are, and where it falls the temperature ...
RICHARD K. MORGAN
Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.
CATHERINE OF SIENA
I have one life and one chance to make it count for something... My faith demands that I do whatever...
JIMMY CARTER
I never said to be like me, I say be yourself and make a difference.
MARILYN MANSON
I've been given an opportunity to make a difference.
TAMRON HALL
Never doubt that one person can make a difference.
INGRID NEWKIRK
What I like to do is try to make a difference with the work I do.
DAVID BOWIE
There's the 'right way' and the 'usual way'.
Folks tend to confuse both.
The right way i...
UFUOMA APOKI
We are born different to make a difference.
LISA R. REYNOLDS
I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
DAVID CROSS
Always design a thing by considering it in its next larger context -- a chair in a room, a room in a...
ELIEL SAARINEN
Always design a thing by considering it in its next larger context - a chair in a room, a room in a ...
ELIEL SAARINEN
Performing is very much like cooking: putting it all together, raising the temperature.
DAVID TUDOR
If we have large temperature changes, we're going to get wind. Anytime the temperature changes hugel...
RAY VISNESKI
When vultures sleep at night, they drop their body temperature. During the day they spread their win...
HARRY HARNISH
People want a strong, light, and porous material, which is almost a contradiction in terms, but natu...
ANTONI TOMSIA
It all depends on the water and the water temperature.
GREG SIMPSON
It?s best able to deal with moisture and temperature.
LORI WALLACE
Those temperature differences create more mist flow and a higher plume.
MARCUS BURSIK
Now it's simply a matter of designing the other components, and we'll be able to form batteries by s...
ANGELA BELCHER
It's not that there's a certain temperature at which food becomes good or bad. It's just the higher ...
CHARLES WHITE
Ah, well.” He smiled-another one of those devastatingly intoxicating smiles that did unreasonable ...
CINDY GERARD
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I alwa...
DEMETRI MARTIN
The only way to permanently change the temperature in the room is to reset the thermostat. In the sa...
T. HARV EKER
[Among the demands attributed to Lopez in the gossip pages: a dressing room fitted out with white or...
MICHAEL APTED
It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference.
TOM BROKAW
Each one of us can make a difference. Together we make change.
BARBARA MIKULSKI
Little changes can start to make a difference in the world.
JANINE DI GIOVANNI
We can make a difference. We can save lives. We can stop the genocide.
KENDRICK MEEK
Make a difference about something other than yourselves.
TONI MORRISON
If you assume that it was a valid experiment, then its disintegration reveals a very substantial par...
MARTIN FLEISCHMANN
Because the temperature is at 32 or just a little above, it is heavy snow to push off the roadway.
JEFF ADAMS
There is always room for a man of force, and he makes room for many.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
I always request a king-size bed, and if I can't, I try to work that out right after I land. I u...
GEOFFREY ZAKARIAN
These data show a very nice correlation between temperature and body size.
KAUSTUV ROY
The temperature got way out of the acceptable range.
LEE HARTMANN
The temperature of the tropic oceans is warmer than it's been in 150 years,
KERRY EMANUEL
Nothing raises the national temperature more than a VACANCY sign hanging from the colonnaded front o...
CHRISTOPHER BUCKLEY
Always design a thing by considering it in its next larger context -- a chair in a room, a room in a...
ELIEL SAARINEN
The hurricanes are following the tropical ocean temperature. The tropical ocean temperature is follo...
KERRY EMANUEL
I didn't get a sense of what the temperature is on that. I tried to allay the fears, and there are s...
JIM GALLAGHER
If every smile were received with another one returned, and we were to begin with our own, it wouldn...
JOEY TALLADINO
If you have nothing to give to people, give them gentle smile and (or) kind word! Give them love; gi...
NAS KIRIAKOS
The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better.
ROBERT F. KENNEDY
It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
Never underestimate the difference YOU can make in the lives of others. Step forward, reach out and ...
PABLO

More Steven Wright

When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you str...
STEVEN WRIGHT
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, yo...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
STEVEN WRIGHT
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this b...
STEVEN WRIGHT
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
STEVEN WRIGHT
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
STEVEN WRIGHT
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop,...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of t...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
STEVEN WRIGHT
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be...
STEVEN WRIGHT
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
STEVEN WRIGHT
At one point he decided enough was enough.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.
STEVEN WRIGHT
It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
STEVEN WRIGHT
So, do you live around here often?
STEVEN WRIGHT
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre...
STEVEN WRIGHT
When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex...
STEVEN WRIGHT
It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t...
STEVEN WRIGHT
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
STEVEN WRIGHT
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato...
STEVEN WRIGHT
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
STEVEN WRIGHT
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I invented the cordless extension cord.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
STEVEN WRIGHT
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during...
STEVEN WRIGHT
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
STEVEN WRIGHT
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g...
STEVEN WRIGHT
When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
STEVEN WRIGHT
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force...
STEVEN WRIGHT
How young can you die of old age?
STEVEN WRIGHT
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I&#...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
STEVEN WRIGHT
It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
STEVEN WRIGHT
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
STEVEN WRIGHT
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe...
STEVEN WRIGHT
They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
STEVEN WRIGHT
All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
STEVEN WRIGHT
What a nice night for an evening.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
STEVEN WRIGHT
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT
What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
STEVEN WRIGHT
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
STEVEN WRIGHT
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
STEVEN WRIGHT
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t...
STEVEN WRIGHT
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
STEVEN WRIGHT
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
STEVEN WRIGHT
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
STEVEN WRIGHT
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
STEVEN WRIGHT
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT
I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world......
STEVEN WRIGHT
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c...
STEVEN WRIGHT
My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov...
STEVEN WRIGHT
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap...
STEVEN WRIGHT
You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
STEVEN WRIGHT
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m...
STEVEN WRIGHT
What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
STEVEN WRIGHT
The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament...
STEVEN WRIGHT
In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub...
STEVEN WRIGHT
The uncertainty is petrol prices,
STEVEN WRIGHT
Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT
It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote"
STEVEN WRIGHT
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never...
STEVEN WRIGHT
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?
STEVEN WRIGHT
Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT
My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving...
STEVEN WRIGHT
It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb...
STEVEN WRIGHT