Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
STEPHEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT
DARYNDA JONES I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
DAVID CROSS I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on telev...
DEMETRI MARTIN Don't let people drive you crazy when it is within walking distance.
UNKNOWN One rule that will work if it is used everywhere, is that when you have a free-kick, the referee put...
CRISTIANO RONALDO The first game was interesting. We had a four-run lead and squandered it, but Daly puts up zeros, De...
MIKE TRAPASSO Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
UNKNOWN To me, the concept of distance is not important. Distance doesn't exist, in fact, and neither do...
YOKO ONO I recommend people develop a fear of elevators, like I have. Even if something is on the tenth floor...
TAMARA TAYLOR The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I alwa...
DEMETRI MARTIN Being a Jew is like walking in the wind or swimming: you are touched at all points and conscious eve...
LIONEL TRILLING If you can capture a woman's imagination, then you will have her. But imagination is a strange creat...
KATHLEEN TESSARO I firmly believe that everyone deserves to live within walking distance of either beauty or convenie...
VICTORIA MORAN If the Wright Brothers were alive today, Orville would have to lay off Wilbur.
ROBERT CRANDALL Distance doesn't exist, in fact, and neither does time. Vibrations from love or music can be fel...
YOKO ONO That was particularly disappointing. You couldn't get a nicer person than Keith Wright but the time ...
GORDON MCDOUGALL Time, I think, is like walking backward away from something: say, from a kiss. First there is the ki...
JOHN CROWLEY Sunday afternoons are a great time to get people to explore West Atlantic. There are new stores and ...
ROSALIND MURRAY Since the springs ice is relatively small, a person standing or walking on it may appear to an obser...
DORON NOF I like a walking culture; I need to be in a city where you can walk everywhere.
EDDIE HUANG Indian films never show cows. When you go to India, the most noticeable thing is the cows. Everywher...
GURINDER CHADHA If you have inner peace, you can create peace everywhere.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA Life is much more available in New York - there are a dozen movie theaters within walking distance. ...
JOHN GREGORY DUNNE It's so hard being goth. You have to have a bad time everywhere.
CLINT CATALYST My theory about actors is we're all walking milk cartons. Expirations dates everywhere.
DYLAN MCDERMOTT We don't have anything in common. We just complement each other. You don't have to do everything tog...
EVA HELLER Everything in Baltimore -- convention center, hotels, attractions -- is within walking distance of e...
NANCY HINDS Distance changes utterly when you take the world on foot. A mile becomes a long way, two miles liter...
BILL BRYSON The step-by-step matching of our internal rhythms—circulation, respiration—to the deliberate uni...
SALVADOR NOVO She's a sun-kissed beach girl who goes gothgrungepunkhippierockeremocoremetalfreakfashionistabrainge...
JANDY NELSON I have an impulse to write all over the orange walls- I need an alphabet of endings ripped out of bo...
JANDY NELSON You have to let it happen and not think about what it might mean. The only time you want to be think...
D.J. TRAHAN When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'T...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA You need to spend time walking, ... You have cold air, sunny day, rainy day, even snow. Spend time e...
CHRISTO The short English miles are delightful for walking. You are always pleased to find, every now and th...
KARL PHILIPP MORITZ I've been singing since I was born. It's something I do everywhere I go. In the shower, walking down...
IDINA MENZEL If you have coordination everywhere but in the warehouse or factory, you haven't achieved very much.
DICK WARD Danger seems terrible from a distance; it is not so bad if you have a close look at it
ABHISHEK VICKY What if you built a carport, but for a plane, and with a Frank Lloyd Wright feel?
JOHN TRAVOLTA If you Are looking for me then that means you have everywhere to look
HAMMAAD AHMAR Time is the longest distance between two places.
TENNESSEE WILLIAMS Time is the Longest Distance Between Two People.
RAJROCKER The shortest distance between two people is TIME.
JOHN B. BEJO If you could have seen what we saw ... dead bodies floating everywhere.
CEDRIC SAWYER If you can't find your inspiration by walking around the block one time, go around two blocks-but ne...
ROBERT MOTHERWELL By the time May rolls around, I'm probably going to want to spend a month on an island. But if S...
MARG HELGENBERGER There are sight distance issues, and people do speed, but that stretch of Lee Highway is not that di...
CHRIS WELLS Defensive effort is energy, and all the credit there goes to coach Wright and Lakewood. He has been ...
ELLIOT WASHINGTON For time is the longest distance between two places.
TENNESSEE WILLIAMS For time is the longest distance between two places.
TENNESSEE (THOMAS LANIER) WILLIAMS The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind happiness
not always...
LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI Up until last year, the implant that was placed will give you a fixed distance, either distance visi...
DR. SAMIR MELKI Beauty is everywhere you look, but you have to look.
MARTY RUBIN When Steven Spielberg comes calling, it behooves you to seriously consider it.
STEPHEN LANG There are hundreds of Frank Lloyd Wright buildings around the United States and in other countries, ...
JANE SMILEY Everywhere I go, I still have time to meditate. People think meditating is sitting there, nobody bot...
JET LI You look at Shaun Wright-Phillips and you might think 'lightweight',
STUART PEARCE When you claim your power and follow your heart, by the time you reach any obstacles you see off in ...
DRAGOS BRATASANU Steven Spielberg and I have tremendous amounts of money.
DAVID GEFFEN The distance between you and the door when you have had enough of your spouse is love.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO If I love you that'll always be the case, even if it's from the distance
ALEXANDRA ELLE If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'...
BARACK OBAMA I really liked 'Super 8'. If Steven Spielberg is an executive producer of anything, you know...
CHANDLER RIGGS Everyone has always said I look like Bailey, but I don't.
I have grey eyes to her green,
a...
JANDY NELSON When you have failed at being nice, you’ve actually succeeded in being mean. Success is everywhere...
KATINA FERGUSON Well, you don't make any demands to Steven Spielberg.
SHIA LABEOUF When you're in a position to be paparazzi-ed just walking down the street, you'd look a litt...
VICTORIA BECKHAM Time and distance have a way of playing tricks with your best intentions.
ANTHONY KIEDIS We're really lucky we have John Wright playing the father, and he's wonderful.
JAMES BREWER Try to avoid walking alone. If you want to exercise, have a friend or your spouse walk with you.
BARRY TATE You and a guest will fly round-trip coach from Los Angeles to New Orleans for a six-night stay at th...
BOB BARKER The walking dream;By declaring your dreams before manifestation,you have consciously bequeathed it t...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) If you truly love nature, you will find beauty everywhere.
VINCENT VAN GOGH Steven Smith is just a superstar. He's the total package.
DANNY NEE When you run the marathon, you run against the distance, not against the other runners and not again...
HAILE GEBRSELASSIE The distance of a voice, is only a short time away from touch.
ANTHONY LICCIONE One step at a time is good walking.
CHINESE PROVERB One step at a time is good walking
CHINESE PROVERBS If you are going to measure the love you have and the good deeds you do with your walking rod, now y...
PHILIP T. M. I think we had all turned around and started walking away from that one, and Kollar was going nuts. ...
MIKE MARTZ Preach the gospel everywhere you go, and, if necessary, use words.
SAINT FRANCIS OF ASSISI Long-distance relationships are hard no matter what. When you don't have face-to-face time, it...
VANESSA HUDGENS If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.
BUDDHIST PROVERB Today is about the now, the moment you live in, so do now what you want to do
SOTONYE ANGA There is no distance or time, we feel in our hearts.
MYRAMUSIC Time-space as commonly understood, in the sense of the distance measured between two time-points, is...
MARTIN HEIDEGGER A career in showbiz is like a distance run. You have to have patience and pace yourself.
TATE DONOVAN The heart is the first feature of working minds. -Frank Lloyd Wright.
FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT This is a result of the incremental repeal of the Wright amendment.
BRIAN SCHWARTZ Love is beyond the realm of skin, the fadings of time, the erosions of distance.
IAN IJH HOWELL Walking round the Champs-Elysees late at night is the greatest time.
ESTELLE This region breeds intellectual discussion and thought; without that we wouldn't have the Wright Bro...
DR. YVONNE SEON You have to distance yourself and keep your space.
KRIS WALTZE The first time I realized it was a problem I was walking through the HUB and there was a map where p...
RYAN TRITCH You have just dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distan...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.
DOLLY PARTON A thing is mighty big when time and distance cannot shrink it.
ZORA NEALE HURSTON
More Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you str...
STEVEN WRIGHT A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space...
STEVEN WRIGHT I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Black holes are where God divided by zero.
STEVEN WRIGHT Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, yo...
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
STEVEN WRIGHT My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this b...
STEVEN WRIGHT George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
STEVEN WRIGHT The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
STEVEN WRIGHT If God dropped acid, would he see people?
STEVEN WRIGHT I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop,...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of t...
STEVEN WRIGHT I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
STEVEN WRIGHT I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an...
STEVEN WRIGHT I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
STEVEN WRIGHT I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
STEVEN WRIGHT Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
STEVEN WRIGHT At one point he decided enough was enough.
STEVEN WRIGHT I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
STEVEN WRIGHT I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w...
STEVEN WRIGHT Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.
STEVEN WRIGHT It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th...
STEVEN WRIGHT I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g...
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-...
STEVEN WRIGHT I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
STEVEN WRIGHT So, do you live around here often?
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro...
STEVEN WRIGHT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film...
STEVEN WRIGHT I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
STEVEN WRIGHT I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
STEVEN WRIGHT Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex...
STEVEN WRIGHT It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The...
STEVEN WRIGHT I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
STEVEN WRIGHT There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ...
STEVEN WRIGHT OK, so what's the speed of dark?
STEVEN WRIGHT Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja...
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
STEVEN WRIGHT Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i...
STEVEN WRIGHT I invented the cordless extension cord.
STEVEN WRIGHT I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
STEVEN WRIGHT For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f...
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during...
STEVEN WRIGHT If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
STEVEN WRIGHT My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc...
STEVEN WRIGHT Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi...
STEVEN WRIGHT I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force...
STEVEN WRIGHT How young can you die of old age?
STEVEN WRIGHT I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
STEVEN WRIGHT I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
STEVEN WRIGHT Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black...
STEVEN WRIGHT I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
STEVEN WRIGHT If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually...
STEVEN WRIGHT I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
STEVEN WRIGHT On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe...
STEVEN WRIGHT They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
STEVEN WRIGHT All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
STEVEN WRIGHT What a nice night for an evening.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
STEVEN WRIGHT If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
STEVEN WRIGHT If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
STEVEN WRIGHT My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant...
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right...
STEVEN WRIGHT I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
STEVEN WRIGHT If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t...
STEVEN WRIGHT My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
STEVEN WRIGHT What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
STEVEN WRIGHT George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
STEVEN WRIGHT Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
STEVEN WRIGHT My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
STEVEN WRIGHT I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world......
STEVEN WRIGHT If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'...
STEVEN WRIGHT I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c...
STEVEN WRIGHT My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W...
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u...
STEVEN WRIGHT Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m...
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
STEVEN WRIGHT The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament...
STEVEN WRIGHT In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub...
STEVEN WRIGHT The uncertainty is petrol prices,
STEVEN WRIGHT Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact...
STEVEN WRIGHT Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W...
STEVEN WRIGHT I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba...
STEVEN WRIGHT I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote"
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma...
STEVEN WRIGHT Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st...
STEVEN WRIGHT Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?
STEVEN WRIGHT Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big...
STEVEN WRIGHT Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
STEVEN WRIGHT I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�...
STEVEN WRIGHT I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out...
STEVEN WRIGHT Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb...
STEVEN WRIGHT