TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. The Enemy of Human Souls Sat grieving at the cost of coals; For Hell had been annexed of late, And was a sovereign Southern State. "It were no more than right," said he, "That I should get my fuel free. The duty, neither just nor wise, Compels me to economize -- Whereby my broilers, every one, Are execrably underdone. What would they have? --although I yearn To do them nicely to a turn, I can't afford an honest heat. This tariff makes even devils cheat! I'm ruined, and my humble trade All rascals may at will invade: Beneath my nose the public press Outdoes me in sulphureousness; The bar ingeniously applies To my undoing my own lies; My medicines the doctors use (Albeit vainly) to refuse To me my fair and rightful prey And keep their own in shape to pay; The preachers by example teach What, scorning to perform, I teach; And statesmen, aping me, all make More promises than they can break. Against such competition I Lift up a disregarded cry. Since all ignore my just complaint, By Hokey-Pokey! I'll turn saint!" Now, the Republicans, who all Are saints, began at once to bawl Against _his_ competition; so There was a devil of a go! They locked horns with him, tete-a-tete In acrimonious debate, Till Democrats, forlorn and lone, Had hopes of coming by their own. That evil to avert, in haste The two belligerents embraced; But since 'twere wicked to relax A tittle of the Sacred Tax, 'Twas finally agreed to grant The bold Insurgent-protestant A bounty on each soul that fell Into his ineffectual Hell. --Edam Smith
Ambrose Bierce
Related I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at her own courage. "It's no business of mine." The Q... LEWIS CARROLL I live my life progressing for nothing else but the best. JONATHAN ANTHONY BURKETT I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib... C. JOYBELL C. Some people never take a chance and never know what it's like to live life to the full. CHLOE THURLOW Beaming into the thick of a tree without becoming a lifelong tree hugger was a tricky business. A pr... CHRISTINA ENGELA The unfortunate thing is that, sometimes, we slip, but, fortunately, consciously or unconsciously, w... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Tariff: a scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of ... AMBROSE BIERCE Friendship is a double-edged sword one side it can be great and true but the other side it spells be... GARY F EVANS... When sorrow knocks at your door, tell it you're busy finding happiness. SARU SINGHAL The scientific method gives us
information by testing and repeating observable things so that we
can... LEWIS N. ROE You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part. HENRY JAMES The earth is an arena of champions. We are all champions. We all did overcome millions of potential ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH If we ever put research into what the subconscious is we could probably come to the conclusion that ... GARY F EVANS... He trapped my hand against his chest and yanked my sleeve down past my wrist, covering my hand with ... BECCA FITZPATRICK To have the cognitive abilities to do research and development is vital to a forever expanding world... GARY F EVANS... May I never neither turn left nor turn right in my journey of life, but may I go straight to Christ ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful. EVANS G. VALENS I woke up dead. Not only dead...but in hell. I had always been somewhat sketchy on what th... PETER DAVID The first and foremost human right or fundamental right is the right to exist. APURVA GAGLANI My hair is not the shiniest of bobs My eyes are not the brightest in the room My figure wi... NANCY N. RUE What the hell," I said, pushing off the wall, ready to take off the head of whatever stupid salesper... SARAH DESSEN My mouth is a fire escape. The words coming out don't care that they are naked. Ther... ANDREA GIBSON Tess, Tess, Tessa. Was there ever a more beautiful sound than your name? To speak it ... CASSANDRA CLARE (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes... JEAN SASSON My lady,” says Aladdin, extending an arm toward the sun, “I give you gold as a token of my love.... JESSICA KHOURY While I pressed the tissue to my face, Beck said, “Can I tell you something? There are a lot of em... MAGGIE STIEFVATER Don't you do that. Don't you look at what I had for you and call it weak. Not when you wer... CAITLYN SIEHL Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. I saw thee once - only once - years ago: I must not say how many - but not many. It was a ... EDGAR ALLAN POE WHAT DADDY WOULD HAVE DONE First he would have listened intently which one could always t... URSULA DENISE WALKER I don't know if I have a favorite color. KATE MIDDLETON It's very special having a new little girl. KATE MIDDLETON Hello?” “Hey.” She sounded pissed. “What the hell happened to you tonight? Jess said th... KODY KEPLINGER It is not at all a fit place for you ," said Clementina. "Gently, my lady. It is a ... GEORGE MACDONALD A Ritual to Read to Each Other If you don’t know the kind of person I am and... WILLIAM STAFFORD He started to dance. And all at once, because Cole was dancing, I was dancing. And this Cole was eve... MAGGIE STIEFVATER No sight so sad as that of a naughty child," he began, "especially a naughty little girl. Do you kno... CHARLOTTE BRONTë And everyone saw me. Tobias saw me. I hear footsteps. Tobias marches toward me and wrench... VERONICA ROTH My own dim life should teach me this, That life shall live for evermore, Else earth is dar... ALFRED TENNYSON Clay in the hands of a good potter suffers so many good turns, but in the end, we see its real and t... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH THOMAS Guilty Of mankind. I have perpetrated human nature. My father and... CHRISTOPHER FRY I keep my kindness in my eyes Gently folded around my iris Like a velvety, brown blanket... SANOBER KHAN As melancholia replaced the jarring of my invention, I sat. Unable to breathe in the smog... MOONSHINE NOIRE I turned in my seat. Will’s face was in shadow and I couldn’t quite make it out. ‘Just ho... JOJO MOYES String of love Universe surrounds you The Saints kneels to you My freezin... JHUNMAR SIMILA He was a friend to man, and lived in a house by the side of the road. HOMER There are hermit so... SAM WALTER FOSS Now he haunts me seldom: some fierce umbilical is broken, I live with my own fragile hopes and ... JAMES KAVANAUGH Gillette--The best a man can get." I stared at the screen. What happened to me? I was mea... CRAIG FERGUSON Congratulations, to the people which made gotham series, still need some more and extra work! DEYTH BANGER i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g... SIMI GREWAL You can capture this body of mine, take away my freedom and enslave me. You may even have the ... RICHELLE E. GOODRICH And I — my head oppressed by horror — said: "Master, what is it that I hear? Who are t... DANTE ALIGHIERI Well, I have lost you; and I lost you fairly; In my own way, and with my full consent. Say... EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY So once the zookeeper realized it was the monkeys who stole the bananas, he knew there was only one ... HANNAH MOSKOWITZ I'll tell you what you can do," he said, stopping abruptly. Now he did reach out to grip both my sho... MEG CABOT Buckley followed the three of them into the kitchen and asked, as he had at least once a day, “Whe... ALICE SEBOLD I moaned then, tilting my head back to give him better access. His hands clamped on my waist, then m... SARAH J. MAAS I love you.” I stared stupidly at him. Was he joking again, reciting another line from ... JENNIFER ECHOLS What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why, I have forgotten, and what arms have lain EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY Reach me down my Tycho Brahe, I would know him when we meet, When I share my later science, sitti... SARAH WILLIAMS Patience, though I have not The thing that I require, I must of force, God wot, Forbear my... SIR THOMAS WYATT Featherweight by Suzy Kassem One evening, I sat by the ocean and questioned th... SUZY KASSEM I once was a stranger to grace and to God, I knew not my danger, and felt not my load; Tho... ROBERT MURRAY MCCHEYNE I reached out my hand, England's rivers turned and flowed the other way... I reached out my han... SUSANNA CLARKE I have a dream, I have a vision, I have a mission, I have to do something, I will do this at this ti... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom y... EDGAR ALLAN POE Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess: Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing ol... MARGOT BENARY-ISBERT She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say. I think on my next birthday, I'm going t... STEPHEN CHBOSKY We Are All Infinite STEPHEN CHBOSKY You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE. STEPHAN CHBOSKY Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Ambos dijeron que tomara asiento y parecían hablar en serio, así que me senté. STEPHEN CHBOSKY I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco... STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybewe'll never know most of them. STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. STEPHEN CHBOSKY There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st... STHEPHEN CHBOSKY no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Everything is temporary, almost like a passing fase, some of laughter Some of pain... NIKKI ROWE In the journey of life, certain paths may seem to be leading nowhere because of a mountain or hill o... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH The Children's Hour Between the dark and the daylight, When the night is beginning t... HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW Cyrano: I can see him there---he grins--- He is looking at my nose---that skeleton ---What... EDMOND ROSTAND I'm lonely, Yes! I'm so lonely. I'm Just a sad tear that came out of the depths of pain.... EYDEN I. Not fair,” I muttered. “Your sword was bigger than mine.” “My sword is bigger than ever... KODY KEPLINGER As I swallowed the last bite of my bagel, my fear gave way to anger. “And just what the hell did h... LISA SHEARIN When you took me from the witch trial at Cranesmuir--you said then that you would have died with me,... DIANA GABALDON If I were to be made a knight," said the Wart, staring dreamily into the fire, "I should insist on d... T.H. WHITE When I burst into the terminal, my eyes swept around, bouncing from person to person in the crowded,... CAMBRIA HEBERT Lo! my God, without merit on my part, of His pure and free mercy, has given to me (an unworthy, cond... MARTIN LUTHER Now I only need to look out at them through my sky-blue eyes. They see their own ill will<... MARGARET ATWOOD Nothing they say or do can ever change the man you are,” Trinity continued. “A man I love with a... C.A. HARMS See!” Dad yelled. “Boys don’t stay with whores, Bianca. They leave them. And I’m not going t... KODY KEPLINGER Kindness is universal. Sometimes being kind allows others to see the goodness in humanity through yo... GERMANY KENT RICHARD, DUKE OF GLOUCESTER: Why then I do but dream on sovereignty, Like one that s... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
More Ambrose Bierce
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e... AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention. AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. 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AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b... AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e... AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand... AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. 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A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover... AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support. AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un... AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t... AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. 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An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta... AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you. AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis... AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please... AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl... AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give... AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien... AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C. AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ... AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws. AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k... AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip. AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free. AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad... AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha... AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does. AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom... AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen. AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie... AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou... AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o... AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead. AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart. AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso... AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi... AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ... AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte... AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima... AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ... AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o... AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde... AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus... AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com... AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m... AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So... AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie... AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc... AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh... AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover. AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of... AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci... AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s... AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai... AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ... AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ... AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the... AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ... AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist , n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive , adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater , n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa... AMBROSE BIERCE