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What a doctor I’ve got—he’s really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer.


Rodney Dangerfield

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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
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ETHAN HAWKE He told me to step up and make a big shot, then he hit me in the back of the head pretty hard. Carlo...
LOREN STOKES He went into his kitchen and got a knife and grabbed me, grabbed my crotch area, and he tried to tak...
DAVID JORDAN Now I look like Rodney Dangerfield. He wasn't too bad looking when he was younger.
BILL PETERSON He grabbed my calves and yanked them apart, then pushed them up so my knees were bent. He put a knee...
KRISTEN ASHLEY He didn’t miss much, ... I told Colin when he got here, if he listens to what we tell him, then he...
ROBERT DAVENPORT He said he's got something really heavy for me to do. He said he would give me a blank, signed check...
FRANK MINUCCI He told me last week after we won the sectional championship he was as proud as proud can be. He sai...
MARK SCHAEFER He's never threatened me, but told the neighborhood how he dislikes me. I've let it go. I have not b...
BOB MARGOLIS First, my doctor told me the good news. He said I was going to have a disease named after me.
STEVE MARTIN Jeff Loria in Houston (two weeks ago) came up to me and said, 'Don't pay attention to what you heard...
CARLOS DELGADO I had a meeting with Bob and he told me I wasn't playing. Then I came back in the afternoon and he t...
JAN BULIS I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENRY YOUNGMAN My doctor asked me how many golf balls I had hit in my career. I'm lying there in bed calculatin...
GREG NORMAN [Perhaps his response had something to do with Denton's assessment of Latham, as given on Triple M l...
ANDREW DENTON He told me he was going to 'give me my church' right then. He read from Genesis and said a prayer.
ELAINE THOMAS We got a check last week from a doctor in Oakland. He said he hoped that it would help in some way. ...
JACK BURKE He reached in my car, unlocked the door, ripped me out of the car and he actually threw me on the gr...
ROBERT GRIFFIN Phil has always been a fighter. He was getting in fights all the time. I told him that if he ever hi...
MICHAEL SCHENKER I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.
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know I must look...
LAUREN OLIVER He grabbed me, got on top of me, ... started slugging me with your fists. Robert, I know you know.
BLAKE KERR What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wif...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wi...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Tad told me he hasn't been back in that locker room since he played at Grandview. He told me he reme...
DOMINIC GUIDA He got around to everyone during the week and that's when he told me anyway and he went around to ev...
DANIEL HARRIS I was at the Academy of Country Music Awards and my first record had just come out. Buck Owens walke...
KENNY CHESNEY He told me he really wanted to see everybody again, and that just lit a fire in my mind.
DAN PASTORINI I pushed passed him. He grabbed my hand and swung me back towards him. Then he pushed me against the...
JESSICA SHIRVINGTON He grabbed his chest and said the iron hit him in his chest. And he wasn't a person that believed in...
WILLIAM GAMBLER I unbuckled the seat belt. I almost got a leg out and water tried to push me back in. That's when he...
CONNIE KALTER You can hit my father over the head with a chair and he won't wake up, but my mother, all you have t...
J.D. SALINGER Tony Blair -- perhaps I shouldn't repeat this conversation -- told me yesterday that he was in Delhi...
GLOBAL INITIATIVE Once I hit my first shot I felt comfortable. And Coach was confident in me. He told me to keep shoot...
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EARL WOODS I thought he was going to kill me. He grabbed me from around back with his arm around my throat, jus...
JEAN WAGNER My phone buzzes in my shirt pocket, and Frank takes a step back to let me answer it. I’ve got anot...
ABRIA MATTINA It looked like he got hit in the face by either a knee or a shin guard.
ROB GOOCH He had me fooled on the first two, but Smoke told me to keep on swinging and good things will happen...
JAKE STEWART The first pitch, he threw me was a slider and I swung kind of too hard. Then he threw me another one...
JERMAINE DYE He made a mistake, he got them mixed up.
WILLIAM BLUM My father was a doctor, and I admired him and got along well with him. He took me with him on house ...
LEWIS THOMAS We're the Rodney Dangerfield of the league. Nobody knows who we are.
STEVE TAYLOR Oh and I’ve been wanting a word with you too, Arthur,” said Mr. Crouch, his sharp eyes falling u...
J.K. ROWLING My doctor at Sloan Kettering said if he could help me this way, he would. He told me to go to German...
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JOHN CALIPARI It was a 2-1 count, so I was sitting fastball. He had just thrown me a curve. I got a knee-high fast...
BEN MUNIZ Things with my dad were pretty good until I won an Academy Award. He was really loving to me until I...
TATUM O'NEAL I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? ...
JOE E. LEWIS I had never met him before. He came up to me before the game. He was a really nice guy. He told me h...
ADAM DAUKSAS He threw a fastball and I got lucky. I think he hit my bat rather than me hitting the pitch.
ERIC MUNSON I walked in there and he told me, he said, 'You got something wrong with you besides a cold.' He sai...
HENRY HALL I gave him a chance to hammer me on the Michigan State loss, which he did very well. He reminded me ...
CHARLIE WEIS My grandpa was the one; he started taking up golf when I was about two and introduced me to the game...
RICKIE FOWLER No. I got hit right in the nipple. Not fun. He said on the mound he didn't mean to hit me. He just p...
ERIC HINSKE The most he can live, the most, even if he has an operation, the doctor told me, would be a year,
JERRY RAY I never even heard of him or met him in my life. But when I got downstairs, he said, 'I've been wait...
HAL TURNER Every game that I've hit one, my brother's hit one. He hit two in the last game, and my mom and dad ...
COLLIN COWGILL The doctor told me without the surgery he would not have made it.
CAROL DAVIS One year, I was running with a friend of mine and he stopped to tie his shoe and I shot past him. He...
DAVE CHANDLER I myself only had my garbage picked up last week, and when I went home, my wife told me about it,
ANDY KING I thought Rodney Carney stepped up really big when he had to. The 3 he hit towards the end of the fi...
DOUG WOJCIK When I dream, I dream of him. For several nights now he’s come to me, waving from a distant shore ...
LIBBA BRAY He thinks I love him. As in… in love with him. Yeah. Go fig. Me in love with Qhuinn… a guy who, ...
J.R. WARD He told me he was working as an interpreter in a doctor's office in Brookline, Massachusetts, wh...
JHUMPA LAHIRI I asked him what he was doing, and he told me he got into carbon fiber cellos,
PAUL ROSENTHAL A Budweiser executive once grabbed me at a conference and told me how great our site was and how muc...
JAMES RILEY He got mad and pistol-whipped him with a .357 handgun. He hit him with the butt of the gun on the fo...
JACOB WILHOITE Coach told Larry to 'bring him up.' So I came up and, basically, the first day, he said go ahead and...
DANTE KERNEY He's impressive. It seemed like he drove balls, pulled balls and then he drove one the other way. He...
BRAD HALSEY I can trash talk every day of the week. No one talks more than me. I was born trash talking. When th...
DAVID IRONS When Brian told me he grew up in New Mexico, I told him I thought it is cool that people from other ...
TERRY BRADSHAW And then, when he’s been underwater so long I feel certain he’s drowned, his head pops up right ...
SUZANNE COLLINS I told my son to write down exactly what he told me.
ACENCION RIVERA "He walked me home and made out with me. That was my second kiss and he got to second base too. Then...
CHARLIZE THERON He walked me home and made out with me. That was my second kiss and he got to second base too. Then ...
CHARLIZE THERON The guy grabbed me, I closed my eyes and after he left me alone, I walked away.
EDITH SHAIN I really thought Roy was going to retire after the Johnson fight. That's what he told me, and I beli...
ALTON MERKERSON Because of the changes in the Padres team I played with last year, I felt like a veteran recently wh...
GARTH BROOKS No one hit me. My foot planted, and my knee just turned to the side.
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JONATHAN KLEIN My cat loves me. That's why he gives me fur balls.
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KATIE DALY If you really want to talk to the big boss now, make sure you leave your balls here with me, for he ...
PAWAN MISHRA My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years ol...
MILTON BERLE My friend told me later he got the chicken pox. I told him I caught politics and never got over it.
JACK JOHNSON He’s dying!’ Doctor Cove, one of the ship’s two medical officers told me, looking at his med-s...
CHRISTINA ENGELA He hit me,but it didn't hurt me,'cuz if he didn't care for me,then I could've never made him mad,he ...
CAROLE KING The doctor opened me up and said he didn't know where to start.
DENVER HASLAM We talked for two to five minutes. He asked me where I was coming from. I told him 'I'm lost right n...
JOE WHITE I grabbed my mom and I went to the couch and I said, 'Mom I want to ask Jesus to come into my he...
TIM TEBOW He hit it with a hammer, and a sliver of metal came and hit him in the right eye. He had a pretty mi...
BILL BECKER He got smart with me and my son, when we were up there. He asked my son why he was there?
HERBERT PERRY

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RODNEY HARRISON I don't anticipate any problems. Eric's been in the system. We love both of those guys to death. We ...
RODNEY HARRISON There's nothing easy about winning a game in the National Football League, let alone winning a champ...
RODNEY HARRISON We're not defending anything, because we don't have anything. (This) is a new season, just like 2005...
RODNEY HARRISON It's very hard. You see the score and you want to slack up. But you can't because Cal is on the side...
RODNEY CARNEY I played against him in basketball tournaments back in New York, prep school, anything you can name ...
RODNEY EPPERSON The energy of college football rivals that of a live performance for me. I am an extremely analytica...
RODNEY ATKINS People look at me like I should have been like Malcolm X or Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks. I shou...
RODNEY KING I won some genetic lottery. I always happened to be strangely good at mathematics in my head. I just...
RODNEY BROOKS She took a great angle. We've been stressing that. Early on in the season we weren't taking great an...
RODNEY TAYLOR The great myth that many social scientists want to encourage is that there is an incompatibility bet...
RODNEY STARK Well, he's a fiery guy. He's very competitive. He's high-spirited, he's emotional. ... I guess he's ...
RODNEY HARRISON We have to accept that we are just machines. That's certainly what modern molecular biology says...
RODNEY BROOKS We cannot let these sounds [find] and over-excite a sympathetic resonance.
RODNEY ROCHA The most glaringly obvious fact about the present case is the significant media and public interest ...
RODNEY MELVILLE I couldn't live here. The real estate is too high.
RODNEY CARNEY Do you want me to shut the trial down this afternoon? ... You are not to engage in this kind of inte...
RODNEY MELVILLE We as taxpayers have put in well over $12 to $15 billion of investment in a repository for high-leve...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Let me make it clear: I support health care reform. I just don't support Nancy Pelosi's vers...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I think it's better to wear outfits because everyone has on the same thing.
RODNEY HUGHES I don't see how you can grow as a world without being able to get along with people. So many peo...
RODNEY KING Hands-on experience is the best way to learn about all the interdisciplinary aspects of robotics.
RODNEY BROOKS I saw my hometown burning that day.
RODNEY KING The purpose of the 'Way Forward Group' is simply to do, in a formal way, what the royal family in Br...
RODNEY BARKER The current sleaze scandal is potentially very, very damaging indeed for the government, because the...
RODNEY BARKER If you look at almost any prominent political thinking intellectual these days, they have all moved ...
RODNEY BARKER This is purely an intellectual endeavor.
RODNEY MARTIN 'It's Alright, Ma' would be the prototype for that tune, I freely admit, ... When I was 12 years old...
RODNEY CROWELL I kicked it in full gear on the last lap, and ran it in like 52 seconds.
RODNEY OYLER The only place for women in football is making the tea at half-time.
RODNEY MARSH ...but we know better now, don't we?
RODNEY LOVELL So maybe with the research robots that are out there, people will come up with ways to use them to t...
RODNEY BROOKS The Keystone pipeline is one of those things that's sort of a political driver. And mostly, the ...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Right now my favorite TV show - because it's too close to home - is 'My Name Is Earl.' T...
RODNEY ATKINS Our external experiences are what make us different. Our internal systems are what make us the same.
RODNEY LOVELL Judge yourself fairly. Sentence yourself lightly. Pardon yourself often.
RODNEY LOVELL An infinitesimal illumination is most valuable in the darkest room.
RODNEY LOVELL Sometimes a significant truth is found in a simple sentence.
RODNEY LOVELL